Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
How do you all prop yourselves up? I don't know how to deal with my low self-esteem. Someone said something today that triggered something for me. I remembered what an older cousin had told me when I was little, that I was conceived because my brother, who is 2 yrs. older than me was an accident and my parents decided to give the "accident" a playmate ---me. I am the youngest of 4 children. My oldest brother and sister are much older than my brother and me.
Then this brother, who is 2 yrs.older than me, had learning difficulities growing up... he was a little slow. So at the age of 8, I was told by my parents that I needed to tutor him and help him. I"ve spent my whole life helping him.
So I felt sad for myself and my inner child today......and angry... because I realized that as a child I probably believed that the only reason I was put on this earth was to serve and take care of other people's needs. My life had no value....Sorry to rant... maybe I'll put this in a journal too. How do you deal with your self esteem issues? I just feel so low.
Then this brother, who is 2 yrs.older than me, had learning difficulities growing up... he was a little slow. So at the age of 8, I was told by my parents that I needed to tutor him and help him. I"ve spent my whole life helping him.
So I felt sad for myself and my inner child today......and angry... because I realized that as a child I probably believed that the only reason I was put on this earth was to serve and take care of other people's needs. My life had no value....Sorry to rant... maybe I'll put this in a journal too. How do you deal with your self esteem issues? I just feel so low.
Sometimes I wonder, am I co-dependent, or am I a genuinely bad person? And if I'm a genuinely bad person, can that ever be fixed? Will I ever be happy?
Sorry..all that to say I know how you feel..
At home, I know in my heart of hearts that I am doing the best that I can. That's all each of us can do, and if, at the end of the day, we can go to bed without any regrets, that's where the self-confidence comes from. It's being you own person and not letting others control how you feel and how you think of yourself. You've seen my posts - kinda down and rather pissed off - but I still have my confidence. It's new and I like it.
I learned the first thing in 12-step programs (CoDA and Al-Anon) by going to meetings, working the Steps and Traditions with a sponsor and practicing this program of recovery in all my affairs.
I learned the second thing through working with a therapist, my Al-Anon and CoDA Sponsors, reading books on codependency, addictive love relationships and similar books, and by listening to my inner thoughts and intuition.
For example, I learned that if I wanted to respect myself, I had to stop allowing others to show me disrespect. E.G., I refused to live in a marriage where my husband abused alcohol, prescription drugs, me and my children. If I wanted to think I am a beautiful woman, I had to get away from men who criticized me for not being a size 0. I I wanted to respect my integrity, I had to start keeping promises to myself and to others. I had to follow through on commitments I made to myself. One of those was attending recovery meetings. I went to several a week for the last 20 years, whether I feel like it or not. I work my steps today daily, whether I feel like it or not. I treat my husband respectfully and speak honestly of my needs, feelings and desires, whether he reciprocates or not, and whether or not it makes him uncomfortable or angry. This is how I have come to respect, honor and love my self. I have self-esteem, because I know God loves me no matter what, and because I live in a way and make choices that builds my self-esteem.
In the last two days I have, through various means, been feed help and information I need to gain the strength and courage to speak directly my needs and desires...to overcome my fears of rejection and find the power I need. Grace, again your words come at the right time to feed me strength...my higher power uses you alot! :)
Thank you for sharing so much of your recovery...it helps more than you know!
~K