Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I had an interesting discussion with a friend from this forum about self-esteem. As codependency sufferers, it's sometimes easy to measure our "good traits" in terms of how they impact other people. E.g., "I'm a great friend" or "I'm very reliable."
What tactics do you use to remind yourself of the positive qualities that make you unique and great? How do you keep the focus on how these things are benefits to *you* vs benefits to others?
What tactics do you use to remind yourself of the positive qualities that make you unique and great? How do you keep the focus on how these things are benefits to *you* vs benefits to others?
The Buddha said trying to inflict suffering onto another person is like picking up a hot coal to throw at them. It is you who will get burnt.
So what about love? If all feelings are within can you love another? Or can you only love yourself? Can you only wish for other people to find their inner strength and to love themselves? To free themselves from suffering? To find happiness?
Once you have reached this state of loving yourself and wanted others to find their inner love is there any difference between benefits to you vs benefits to others?
Your good traits will be measured both ways. I am a great friend to myself and to others. I am very reliable to myself and others. I wish for peace and happiness for myself and others.
If we are feeling unhappiness internally we can not help other people find happiness. If we are feeling happiness internally we have no desire to help people find unhappiness.
It is important to find happiness within for the sake of ourselves and all other sentient beings.
Before happiness benefit to nobody. After happiness benefit to everybody.
As codependents we neglected ourselves. We neglected ourselves and desperately sought happiness and acceptance in other people. A place where it would never be found. Only suffering would be found.
What makes me so great and unique? I am me.
What makes you so great and unique? You are you.
My positive qualities are that I am working every second of every day to make myself a better person. Not just for others but for me. Not just for me but for others. No difference. Just one.
Without our happiness there is no happiness.
@Holborn98: As someone who is currently working to try and build higher self-esteem, one thing that has helped me focus on the positive
in myself has been setting short term goals and accomplishing them to the best of my ability, especially if they are somewhat of a challenge. I also do my very best to avoid situations or people who are overly negative, even if they are not negative towards me I've noticed that this kind of negativity can be very catchy if I'm not careful.
When I first read your post, I wanted to respond to it but it was difficult. I felt as though many of my own attributes are things which are beneficial to others or which may be measured by others In some way. I love what was written by whativegot. Especially this comment: is there any difference between benefits to you vs benefits to others?
What strikes me, is that we can just as easily offer to others what we offer to ourselves. When I think of my own attributes, they benefit others and are likely to be measured by others. I could say that I am kind, caring, funny and hard-working for example. These are things which benefit others but I can just as easily turn them around to benefit myself. I can be kind to myself by giving myself a rest, a hot water bottle, chocolate, by not beating myself up so much. I can be sensitive to my own feelings and not violate my own boundaries. I can appreciate my own sense of humour and I can work hard at things which are personally meaningful to me and which offer benefits to me.
Love,
Alana
Thank you
Somehow a message came to me last night in the most bizarre ways, I was watching the comedian Ron White in his standup comedy video "A little Unprofessional". I wouldn't have guessed it, but he is good friends with Dr. Phil. He happened to ask a question to Dr. Phil about how people have self esteem......and evidentially Dr. Phil said that "When a person sets out to do something, and finishes it is how they build self esteem".
I think the larger issue I have been suffering from, is the lack of completing....I come up with the best ideas, the best dreams, the best projects, and never follow thru to completion, and many times never even start them.......
Thereby forcing my self esteem into the ground......so I am making a commitment to create a list of things I want to do and accomplish and will begin and finishing things and won't start to the next thing until I finish the first thing. And on and on.....(@Arkay, I think this is along the lines with what you are saying too)
But for today I will pay myself a compliment towards just me...and it is an attribute that is not about anything I do for anyone else, just me......I am smarter then the average bear......
I will tell you that it took me literally 5-10 minutes to think of this, and frankly it feels awkward to even write it down......and there are huge parts of me want to delete it....HAHAHAHAH man o man! One day I will get there, where I can freely say it!