Welcome to the group.

My codependency issues were hidden from
myself after i was married. I thought that girl
was long gone and dead as i matured and
grew up

I would read and study all you can on the
subject plus any adult child issues. i have
abandonment and rejection issues still
after being in recovery for 6 years.

What was your upbringing like? your
parents. Its not always addiction it can
be dysfunction as well.

Codependent children are formed in
abusive and/or dysfunctional homes.
Often they had no idea they mattered
and they did not get their developmental
needs met. Hugs

Hi Mirandac :)

My family was quite dysfunctional, my father was an alcoholic and my mother always has victimized herself instead of taking care of herself and me. Thus I was forced to take adult responsibilities from a very early age. I am aware that due to the unhealthy switch in roles I was in a position to take care of my parents needs in turn neglecting mine. So I can see how that predetermined my pattern of behaviour. X

That was a honest share many of us have
Like stories.

My father was an alcoholic that had shock
Treatments to get sober then my parents
divorced. My mother Is highly dysfunctional
at best. She had more Influence on us than
my father ever had. He abandoned us After
his remarriage.

Welcome to the club of adult children of
Alcoholic and/or dysfunctional families. I
go to alanon, therapy and now i started
Going to ACOA.

Many do read melody beattie book
"codependent No more" and darlene
lancer has "codependency For dummies"
both i hear are good. Dr henry cloud Has
two good books to read "boundaries" and
"safe people".

I have done my time in alanon for the retraining
and reparenting and so much more. There is
always CODA meetings Too.

We are all on our own journey. You are young I
would Nip it in the butt if i was you. I did go to
therapy at 24 and got away from my enmeshing
sick mother some what then i married a few Years
later. It was not enough i still had way more issues
that were deeply seated and hidden.

I married a man that comes from the same mix
as i Do he was dry our whole 30 year marriage.
All our Stuff played out in the end, it did not go
anywhere except underground for either one
of us. Now we are both in recovery But it was
too late in the game for us as a couple.

To have a healthy whole mutual relationship
Both people should have self love onboard
And both people should have good strong
Healthy boundaries in place. HUGS

Welcome aboard this DS lifeboat Chris. Also from dysfunctional family, and didn't see the full blown codependency until in a significant relationship. As I did the work, I began to see that it was a bit more pervasive in other areas. Each time I came aboard a lifeboat here, I spent a lot of time reading posts and replies. That was a big help to me in various ways. Welcoming and comforting hugs.

Hi SimpsonsOK! Very nice to meet you!
It's true! Hugs have a therapeutic effect on the body! So lots of hugs to you both! I guess we can all think of it this way - we are the better outcome of our childhood lives because we developed a level of empathy far beyond our egos. It does help to meet people who know what you are going through!

Our Egos are how we survived as children and
We relied on Them until it no longer served
us well anymore as adults. Once we become an
emotionally Mature adult Often that will take
getting humble and working on Your spirituality
and emotional Wellness.

Pia mellody calls codependency a disease of
immaturity. She is right, its hard to Change so
much about ourselves and to stop acting On
the wounded/codependent inner child.

Glad to have you on here also that you are
having a hard honest look at yourself. Its not
easy but The alternatives is living an unhealthy
and Dysfunctional way of life for years. Aware-
Ness really only does take you so far.

I started my recovery in my middle 50's. I have
A 1/3 of my life left at best. I thought my marriage
And life were okay they weren't in reality. In the
Beginning things were good for maybe 10 years
But there were always issues with him and they
kept growing and i kept getting sicker until it
Became toxic. I take 1/2 the blame, we both had
Issues and the same basic types of upbringing.
Hugs

I think it always depends on the other person. I am avoidant and tend to attract the anxious clingy types who distance me with jealousy/possessiveness/controlling behaviours. On the other hand, many times I am interested in a potential love interest which is not available in some way (issues, already in a relationship, gay lol) and with those people I might feel more insecure, get insecure because of perceived slights or their interactions with others etc.) This is simply because I am free to feel all those things since they are unavailable.

I have been reading that the best type of person for an avoidant type would be a secure attachment person (i.e. someone without issues) as we would not suffer from their clinginess or their lack of availability! :) Blessings!

I've got an anxious attachment, I only have codependency issues when the other person is has an avoidant attachment style and I think I can "fix" them. I've come to realise that I've only felt what I thought was love with people who abuse me, cheat on me, ignore me or use me, I had a 3 year "healthy" relationship but I left because I just got bored of him. He said I was actually afraid of finding someone who actually wanted to be with me for life. Maybe he was right. I seem to go: Narcissist > Healthy > Narcissist > Healthy
My last toxic relationship ended in me almost getting killed. After that I decided to find out why I was attracted to people treat me badly so I didn't keep getting involved with abusers. I'm in a "healthy" relationship now, but I'm afraid that I'm just going to get bored with him too.