Well you , have to desifer, between whats rational and irrational , in a relaytionship. You have to realize that you shouldn't hold on to something thats going to hurt you emotionally . But I understand what you are saying totally. Cause I have had many problems deciphering between many helthy rationships and unhelthy relaytionships . and its runined alot of good things in my life.
But what I can tell you is seek help from others in learning how to Have good helthy relaytionship

Bterrier: I know exactly what your are saying. I recently had a new friend that began to betray me and blow me off because I didn't like someone that she didn't like as well. BUT she wanted that person to invite her to all the happy hours and the lady coordinated them. She could have gone to other happy hours or met up with others. Anyway, hard to believe we are in our 40s, but she definitely had a different agenda as an unmarried woman. That being said she threw me to the wayside and bad mouthed me. I caught her doing so. I never said anything and we both have mutual friends in our circles. Ultimately, she looks like the flake. I wanted to say something, but didn't. I know if I had said something that she also would treat me the way your friend did. I just kept doing my own thing as I have other friends and responsibilities to keep me distracted. Now she is coming back around. Do I want the friendship with her now? But I might have pursued it had I said something. The old saying, "Be careful what you wish for" is very true. Hang in there. You deserve a better friendship. This "friend" of yours realized any of your vulnerabilities and again banked on them for her own benefit. Wish her well. As long as she is your boss, all that is required of you is to continue being friendly nothing more and keep your eyes on your own stuff. Ultimately, she may try some more unhealthy self-preservation and you may find that very trying at times, but as long as you are staying in the "adult" and remaining friendly - it will come back on her. Try your hardest not to let the feelings come through because in time this won't feel as bad anyway. Time heals a lot!

Hi bterrier

I can really understand how you feel. I have had 'friendships' that are one way and are only going well if I did what they wanted. I also treated these friendships as 'real' and exposed my secrets and vulnerabilities which were then used against me when I stood by myself. It is so painful and very upsetting.

Due to my codependent background I have to be very wary of boundaries as not everyone is as confidential as I am and I forget that. I recently let a friend go and cut her off because her motives were to get to know a male friend (romantically) through me rather than be my friend. I can understand if she is attracted to someone but purposely getting to know me as he was on my Face Book page was a little too much. Funnily enough I thought they would be a good match and I was trying to organise times for them to meet but she was too much in a hurry and didn't appreciate getting to know me as a friend. I was pretty shocked and upset but I stuck by my intuition for the first time and did not give in a 'feel sorry' or guilty feelings for me choosing to not have a friendship with her. They were there and it took me weeks to understand my own feelings. This person was referred to me through a close friend so I took her in without questioning her too much. I did stand my ground and I feel so much better for it as I was right and this person was abusing my friendship for their own gain. Boundaries are very important.

I did discuss some personal things with this person and hoped that she was decent enough to pass them on. I haven't heard anything bad back but I am sure that the people involved worked her out eventually and what she was up to. I had to trust that all would work out in the end.

In working my recovery from codependency I have felt very lonely and without friends. I was told that the 'road less travelled....' which is a great book BTW which is looking into self and ourselves, particularly recovery is lonely and that is why so many people don't do it. Friendships will come with time and getting to know ourselves. A few of the posts that I read recently on this forum do talk about feeling empty and that while working our recovery we need to attract healthy relationships. I really liked those posts as they were so comforting.

Similar to your experience, When i started to stand on my own and not just agree with a friend a few years ago she literally dumped me like a hot potato. It was as simple as me deciding that I wanted to meet at a different cafe! This person could not handle it. That I (oh my gosh) was deciding something for myself. She contacted me a few years later and decided that i had changed too much for her.

I hope it is all going well but at the end of the day this person has lost a great friendship with you.