So I wrote here that I went to see my ex after staying away for 3 months (again). I did exercise good boundaries & got some closure. I'm proud of myself for that. However, the obsession didn't stop. He's in my mind a lot & I think it got worse after seeing him. It culminated to a very difficult week this week. Aside from my codependency, I suffer from social anxiety. I've been able to control it the last few years but it gets worse when my self-esteem is at its lowest. I had to take a 2-day course on medication as part of my job. It's pretty simple. However, I found it very hard to focus. When it came time for the oral demonstration test, I had an anxiety attack & completely bombed. I know I can't blame it all on codependency, but it played a large part. I was a complete mess afterwards because I really care about my job. I'm known as calm & collected at my work & now I feel like I've let everybody down with this simple test. I also felt embarrassed & took the day off the next day. This just took a lot out of me. I think this was definitely my rock bottom.
As difficult as this was, it finally moved me to do some important things I've been putting off. I finally e-mailed my ex to never contact me ever again. Of course, he called me back & made everything about himself. So I then e-mailed him again explaining the situation in a more respectable manner - how it was time to finally focus on myself instead of focusing on his addiction & mental illness. I also finally removed him from my contacts & facebook. This morning, I made the call to my cell-phone provider to block his number. I cried a little bit but I know this is the best thing to do.
I've also made an appointment to see a therapist again for my codependency & anxiety. I'm also going to see if I'm appropriate for any medication to deal with performance anxiety (I also bombed a promotion interview a couple months ago). So I feel like I've been forced to finally look after myself. I always have to learn the hard way.