Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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resentment

sassybabe11
sassybabe11
i think that this is my biggest charachter derfect. resent is the slow release ofr anger concerning feelings of being not appreciated, respected, or included as much as we think we should. i realize that holding onto resentment hurts only me. those that i am resentful at just dont understand my degree of anger and resentment. it is our ego that tells us when we are not being treated by others as we wish. when i woke up this am i prayed that God gives me the will and desire to let go of resentment and focus on the positive in my life and avoiding as much as possible those that i find stir up these intense feeling. i find that posting here and the reponses all ways are very helpful and give me another perspective. i have a family gathering coming up due to sick sister and am dreading it as i am afraid that i will not be able to not be resentful cause i know the parts that all will play and the place that they will put me ( i allow them to put me). no one will stay at my house and the caregiver sister will be sobbing and sucking up all the sympathy that she can and over and over talking about all that she is giving up to take care of sick sister and how she cant do anything- cause she cant leave her alone. any advice on how to get through this?
deleted_user
deleted_user
i totally understand where you are coming from, i think the secret is to stop giving at an appropriate time, especially when you start to feel resentful that the appreciation is not given. some people are ungrateful and i think the secret and empowering thing is to pull the plug, i had this problem with a neighbour who i would to several chores for her, it started to piss me off when i never got a thankyou, but i remember that we cannot control other people or their actions only ours and our response to theirs, so i basically pulled the plug on the women so to speak.
deleted_user
deleted_user
practice a serene expression and use it throughout the entire gathering. If (golly, I know that the one sister is going to try and start something) someone says something nasty, you can just say "I really feel that this is not the time to argue.", sometimes I just look a person in the eye that says hurtful things on purpose, and I say, "No matter what you say, you can't hurt my feelings." That one knocks them dead in their tracks. You must stay calm, no matter what! Set your mind to it.
When I went to my mother's funeral, two of my sisters tried starting fights with me the entire weekend. (It was horrible to say the least) BUT- I garnered the total respect of all of my other relatives, by not engaging into an arguement with them. My aunties and uncles were telling me how much they admired me at the end of it all. Let the nasty people gather up the disgust, and keep calm.
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
thanks for comments it is all going to be at my sisters and no one will stay here and it just pisses me off. she is getting everything ready for them all to stay at her house. let me take that back she has selected those that will HAVE to stay with me. my brother, my son, and my daugher but the REAL sisters and their family will be at here house. gosh why cant i let this go and not feel so resentful and angry. i have a beautiful house with lots of room. why cant i just enjoy those that stay here? because it is her decison where who will stay where.
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
feel like they are all talking about me and how petty i am about this. but why is my house not good enough for them? always been this way and it makes me feel angry and direspected and like i am not important enough feeling upset and very angry
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
that you HAVE to stay with me bothers me she had told several that. why does she get to decide? and all go along with it
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your sister is controlling and manipulative. She also sounds like a martyr. I'm sure there is nothing at all wrong with your house etc but as she's shown by all the wailing and wallowing she does over your other sister she likes the lime light.
i can also appreciate your resentment, i carry alot of resentment and it turns me bitter and twisted, not a healthy place to be. can you spend some time writing down what exactly upsets you so much, keep writing until the truth is revealed to you. you are obviously angry and upset but where does this stem from? what feelings are creating this anger? rejection, lack of control? just some thoughts x
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
being treated unfairly and like i am making a big deal out of things that she would be just going balistic over if everyone stayed here. so i feel alittle better today and this is my decision. i am not going to put in any money to feed all these people. if she wants it all shes got it- the mess, the cost, the over crowding and conflicts. this is the thing the sick one does not want all those people around, but the other one i am sure has told everyone that they need to stay there to be around her. he is wining around and telling the same stories about all that she is doing and how busy she has been with running sister to docs, etc. on and on with a very sad look on her face. she has not got to do anything cause she cant leave her alone cause she might have a seizure and be afraid. so all the wining about no money tells all last night they are buying a new 4 wheeler? i was like more of her feel sorry for me - i have no money now since i took off work to care for sis. but can buy a new 4 wheeler?
deleted_user
deleted_user
That's what I would do - if she wants all those people then she should take care of them too. And when she whines to you, tell her just that. You offered, and she decided where everyone should stay. So now she's stuck with it. Then let it go. Don't let it eat you up inside. Some people just thrive on being matrys and making others think they're so altruistic. My sister in law does this shit, then complains about it. I don't let it bother me because I know she feeds off of people feeling sorry for her. I don't, and that's how I keep my sanity. I can't change her, nor do I want to. I just sit back and laugh to myself.