Hi,

When I am in a situation that I cannot control, especially other people's behavior that I do not like or appreciate, I have found that sometimes I just have to really detach. In a couple of cases, this has meant broken off communication with some.

I still love those that I have removed myself from, but I have found that they are really toxic to my peace of mind. After all this time, I have decided that I am much happier choosing not to have their chaos and negative remarks bombarding me. (I know that some would say that we have to learn to just accept and deal, but I also do have choices and my choice is to limit my dealings because I do not like their behavior.)

I am going to be seeing both of them in about a week at an extended family thing, and I will do that. But I am not going to put up with garbage from anyone. My peaceful state of mind is at stake, and I am going to protect myself. If I need to I will remove myself from them physically. Point blank, I am not putting up with it anymore and there is no room for discussion.

I believe in Jack Canfield's philosophy that we should not surround ourselves with toxic people. If they happen to be our family (as mine are my siblings), then limit the time spent with them. Life is too short to be in a permanent state of upset and some people just seem to enjoy being miserable and spreading it around to the best of their ability.

We actually have more power and choice than we think, but it is up to us to decide. For a long time, I just took it and said nothing. I am not willing to do that anymore. I guess you need to decide what you are wiling to put up with.

Honestly, for me, I would rather be alone than dealing with someone that is always in a bad mood. I know that we do not have to take on someone else's emotions as our own, but at the same time, do we want to live like that day in and day out? For me, the answer is no.

Good Luck!

Shar

Just a suggestion: (because this is the stuff that helped me) Try taking an inventory of what you actually resent, what it makes you feel, and why you think it makes you feel that way. On the flip side, try finding a few things that evoke feelings of joy or delight. Be honest , because it's only you that's going to see it. (Unless you have a sponsor you share with)

Resentment was a WHOPPER, and for me, had a lot to do with MY skewed expectation that someone else should KNOW what I need, with my having to ask for it. After all...I was busy caring for and meeting everyone else's needs, right? (smile) I decided that I wasn't going to wait for someone else to hand me my happiness. I needed to take stock of WHO I was around, and WHY. Sure, I lost relationships over my decision to fervently "fight" for peace in my life, by distancing myself. When I did what wsa necessary and healthy, ( as Shar so brilliantly suggested) and distanced myself from the people places and things that represented or triggered such negative feelings, I was able to dig through all the crap and find out what I WANTED and NEEDED. I realized I wouldn't BE resentful if my own needs were being met. I could no longer "pout" to get what I needed out of people, because that wan't a reasonable or healthy way to communicate. I needed to SPEAK in to it. I needed to list my needs and let them be known, no matter HOW someone else reacted to those needs. I have a right to HAVE needs and to make them known. Sure, some people left. And those people were the vampires sucking the life force out of me, too! When I chose healthier people, I became healthier. Ultimately, HAPPINESS...is a CHOICE. And I BELIEVE in "faking happiness and joy" until it actually becomes a reality. It's legal to BELIEVE for a better outcome and contend for it. What did that look like? I SMILED more. I thought ab out LOVELIER things...I focused on what was GOOD. If that meant I sat in my closet, legs crosses and told my higher power how GOOD HE IS? Then that's what I did. I also positioned my heart to RECEIVE what was GOOD AND KIND AND HEALTHY and NURTURING from the universe. I ASKED MY HIGHER POWER to meet my deep emotional needs. You'd be amazed the beautiful things that mindset can attract. I understand how you feel SO WELL, because I have been there. But the great news is, you don't have to stay stuck there. I appreciate your transparency and willingness to bare your soul, here. It really helps everyone struggling with the same issues. HUGS TO YOU, BELOVED. Here's your first "JOY BOMB" from me to you! Love, Rainbo

part of what you said reminds me of myself. not so much the resentmnt prt but the playing into others feelings.. I have had the ability to sence what others are feeling since as far back as I can remember. and it was hard to detach or separate myself from this persons feelings and still is at times eapecialy if you live under the same roof. I bet you have an ability to read others but take it apon your own self as your own feelings. once a friend pointed this out that I had this uncanny ability I looked at it abit differant and if they were acting agery or grumpy I would still feel it but would just tell myself it was that I had the ability to feel their emotions and that it is not aimed at me or well may not be aimed at me and then I would try to figure out what it was is that their problem is. I work with a woman that I don't know what it was but I just some how knew she had a drinking problem and could tell some how she was hurting and trying to covor it up and sure enoph one day she told me she had a hangover and then started talkig about how she was trying to stop drinking... kins interesting I work with the public like hundereds of people a day and encounter all types. I like trying to read them. some people are not so easy to read some speak it lowdly in their body language and actions. think about it... you may have a gift you did not realize

thanks so much for insightful comments. other haved posted that i seem to have ability to sense what other feel and think. i guess it can be a good thing at times and other times its a burden. but thanks for the comments it is a compliment in a way. today i watched joel ( a preacher on tv) and it was just what i needed to hear that others may not acknowlege us for the good things that we do and may even lie about us, but we can be the bigger person and this really helped me to put things in perspective and so i did a message to sister that i was sorry that i did not respond to her sooner and felt good that i was not taking her attack personally as our family is in a bad place as we watch my sister get sicker and sicker and feeling compassion for her without feeling guilty or bad about me. setting boundaries and this is to take care of me

Thanks for posting about resentment...I too struggle with my 'inner child' and 'higher power'...still really haven't accepted my 'higher power' is there for me...but I'm working on it. Anyway, I just wanted to say that for me, it really wasn't 'resentment' about stuff, I was angry...What I thought was resentment was being pissed off that they didn't listen when I spoke, said what I need, or heard what I set bounaries for. It took me a long time to realize I was just plain pissed off and angry they didn't listen...It is exhausting to feel like you always have to work on yourself - but really, if we don't do it for ourselves, who will? Anyway, these are my thoughts - for me..they don't work for everyone. Over that last couple of weeks, I've really been struggling with criticism. I'm not always sure how to take it, if I should be offended, if I should take is as constructive, etc...but one thing I always do is try to not 'react', no matter how my blood is boiling in the moment. For me, I've realized that constructive criticism (while good to hear) isn't always good to follow by changing behavior. Others' who dictate who I should be, or how I should act, should take a long look in the mirror and see how THEIR behavior affects others'...I remember we are all only human, we are all going to put our foots in our mouths and I try not take everything so personal.

I have "trigger" comments from others that can, if I let them, put me in to a resentful, angry, reactive posture. The more I LISTEN and pay attention to ME, rather than anticipate what others are feeling, the more success I experience in my relationships.. (it's not that I don't CARE how people feel. I do. It's that I have come to know this...emotions are great indicators, but they are LOUSY masters.) I don't need to be controlled my MY emotions or anyone else's.

And yes, I would say MOST co-dependents I've met are HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE with an acute ability to sense other people's emotions. And , for sure, I consider that a GIFT. Like ANY gift, it can become defiled if we don't understand the proper way to "use the tools." I encounter co-dependents who have that same anger about "not being listened to or heard." That is such a common and strong THREAD in our "sickness." We are the ones who have the responsibility to "make ourselves be heard," regardless of the backlash or response. My sister used to steam-roll over every opinion I had and everything I said. I now operate this way. I let her SPIN out of control, and rage out in front of me, and I calmly say, "Are you talking or am I talking? Let me know when it's MY TURN. " (wit for it...wait for it...OK NOW) Then, I don't let her interrupt me OR interject. if she does, I quickly say, "WE AGREED. Wait. When I am done, you may reply, but it's my turn to speak." You'd be amazed how just an assertion of your OWN RIGHT TO BE HEARD can shift the dynamic of the situation. I let HER carry the anger and rage. Yeah, it may affect me for a minute, by I don't "receive it." I don't internalize it. I am not her emotional garbage can to dump in to. So whenever she goes off, I let her. The ability to sense and feel people's emotions, without CARRYING them around as our own cargo is a huge blessing and victory for all of us struggling as co-dependents. I don't feel AS MUCH resentment, because I don't carry as much shit around. I ONLY own up to MY SHIT - not someone else's.