Until you can find a purpose and a reason to replace this nonsense you will forge on. It's been many years since I've had that level of shanigans in my life. But It definitely kept me busy for a very long time. The co-dependent humanness in us would rather have that than emptiness. Once you decide to make a choice just stop or become completely burned out and depleted it will change. Until than the coda brain will not allow room for new

I think you need to first admit to yourself that the relationship is gone. You can't move on until you've come to that realization. Once you have determined that you don't love him anymore and there is nothing binding you anymore, then it becomes easier to take the next step. I was so caught up in the end result for so long that it just seemed too overwhelming to deal with. When I started taking it one step at a time, things started to fall into place. I'm a long way from better, but I'm getting there. It's been a long time since I cried myself to sleep, and the days seem brighter. Make a plan and just take it 1 day at a time. You'll get there.

cheryl- i wish i could cry. my heart is so hardened. i just loath talking to him. he is usually drunk when i get home from work and is really annoying. but he is also annoying sober. you are right i dont know what the next step is? we live in this house together and he has no where to go and i am not leaving it at least for the rest of the winter. yes i am needing to just take one day at a time and even 1 hour at a time. i dont want to hurt him and i know that i am. and harming myself also. i just cant talk to him about anything cause he just does not listen and looks so sad and unhappy. want to run away and try to get out of town as much as possible and find things to do without him cause when i do something with him i feel very annoyed by his repeated stories and complaints and so many of our friends and even his family do not want to be around him, and maybe me also. thanks for the comments.

I know what you mean. My STBX was miserable to be around, at least to me and the kids. He had lots of friends, so they don't seem to mind him too much. BUT, most of them don't live around us anymore so they have limited doses of him!

I don't know what else to say about your situation. It's not going to change until you do something to change it. Doesn't seem like he really wants anything to change. Why would he: you provide for him and drive him around. He has it made, sort of. I know it's hard when you own a home together. I decided to leave, and hopefully once we get going on formalizing our divorce proceedings, I will be bought out. But I know I'm a fortunate person in that way. I suppose you could find another place to live temporarily and have the house be sold upon divorce, if you are married. Then he would be forced to get his act together, or not, but you wouldn't be there to deal with it.

I know it's stressful. I just wanted to run screaming into the night most of the time, but since I moved out I don't feel like that anymore. I get lonely, but then I was lonely when I lived with him, and at least now I have peace. There's a lot to be said for that.

I know you think he'll fall apart without you, but you'd be amazed at what they can do without us! They do manage. Someone else will drive him around (how does he get TO the bars he goes to?). Mine threatened to kill himself, said he didn't want to be without me, etc., etc., but he's managed on his own. Made him grow up a little. Still whiny, but I don't have to deal with it anymore! I just don't answer the phone!

Nothing will change unless to change it. 1 day at a time.