Codependency - Cure i follow

I am not sure what process you are following for resolving your codependency here are few suggestions i have been doing.

My recovery - Acceept, Feel and Let it go

PUT YOURSELF FIRST for atleast 3months.

1. Never give up going to therapist atleast 5 sessions.My personal bet is to never stop therapy. Initially i thought my therapist was crazy for pointing me that i am codependent, Infact i was there for my anger management issues :-) She focused too much on me getting out of my relationship which i didnt understand until my 4rth session. Now I can see how unhealthy relationship I was in.

2. Go to CoDA meetings. The circle will help. Have a sponser. Incase you want to talk there will be somebody available. Keep the group numbers handy.
Al Anon, ACOA meetings if you had dysfunctional family or childhood.

3. 12 steps workbook - codependents guide to twelve steps by melody beattie is a good example you can apply for your own inventory or you can find 12 steps meeting group.

4. Write on Dailystrength anything you want to share. Peoples responses here have always been amazing.besides codependency group there is woman who love too much and narcissistic abuse victims which helped me a lot.

5. Write in Journal every feeling you have. Make it everyday 15 minutes to write any the feelings you have. I usually journal sitting in sauna :-).
Try and analyse your feelings. What is the feeling what is the trigger for the feeling what is my thought towards the feeling How did i behave with that feeling in my mind. what could have been better and consciously embedidng it in mind. Ultimately your goal has to be think rationally than act through your feelings.

6. Any Anxiety tension Try
EFT technique http://eft.mercola.com/
Say some affirmations.
Take long breaths.

7. Read Read Read

1. Co dependency No more by Melody Beattie
2. Language of Letting go Melody Beattie - My personal favorite
3. Emotional blackmail - Susan Forward
4. Facing Codependency - Pia Mellody - My personal favorite
5. Woman who love too much - Robin Norwood
6. Boundaries: when to say Yes , How to say No - Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
7. Getting past your break up - Susan Elliott
8. Codependency: The dance of wounded souls - Robert Burney
9. Codependence Recovery: Wounded souls dancing in the light - Robert Burney
10. The Happiness Trap - Russ Harris
11. Guilty No more - Patricia Krohn
12. In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People -George K. Simon
13. Toxic Men - glass Lillian
14. Love is a choice - Dr. Robert Hemfelt
15. Make miracles in 40 days - Melody Beattie
16. The keys to staying empowered in a Power struggle - Kimberly key
17. Getting past your breakup - Susan J elliot.
18. How to spot a dangerous man before get involved - sandra brown
19. love addict - vare, ethlie Ann
20. Emotional Sobriety: From Relationship Trauma to Resilience and Balance by Tian Dayton
21. Choices by melody beattie.

Not necessarily you have to read everything And no i dot have big pile of books. I have all this downloaded from AMazon to Pc (kindle for PC)

8. Meditation Yoga or physical fitness.
9. Surround yourself by happy and positive people. Incase of disturbed thoughts try to be around people usually I end up going to gym or call my sponsor or therapist or talk to friend.
10. Start a hobby you have been procrastinating.
11. Music is a great help.
12. Just Let go. Leave it to higher power.
13. Treat yourself well. Be selfish. Buy things for you. Take a vacation. Hit a spa. Get massages something to pamper yourself.
14. Think atleast one positive thing everyday.
15. Keep yourself busy.
16. Challenge yourself.
17. Take one day at a time.Present is the key. Dont live in past or Future.
18. Smile and Laugh.
19. Improve your BRAIN cognitive skills with gamesonline(http://www.lumosity.com/)
20. Use Mind Maps to learn http://blog.iqmatrix.com/mind-map/keys-to-happiness-fulfillment-mind-map
21. Baggaereclaim.co.UK us a great site for great articles like values , boundaries etc.
22. inner child recovery by Lucia capacchione and affirmations for inner child great book to work on inner child.
23. Take that class you have been waiting to do it. I got certified recently with CPR.
24. Go for volunteering... There are people who need helping hand desperately who are actually in need.
25. Google search codpendency and you will find n number of articles... Anything and everything helps. You can read other peoples journal on DS online too.

Thank you so much hbgdaystar !!!!!

What a wealth of resources.

I have a question and it sounds like you might be helpful.

I have been in relationship with a guy for 6 yrs. He was walled off for about 4 of those yrs. then changed his mind and wanted to change the relationship. When he did this, I feel he got controling, which kicked up my codependency. He says I am like an alcoholic in my behavior and I can "choose" to get over this codependent thing. I have tried for a long time and continue to be in recovery. Is it that simple - just a choice. Because it would be easier to "choose" not to be this way. Any advice.

Codependency is a habitual behavioral pattern that is bad for our own good. I learned to be this way by being around dysfunctional people and family And recovery is the only process that gets you out of this and it is a long path a

Choices do add up to the part of recovery too but what do you do when unconsciously unaware of your behaviors that only brought dysfunctional people around you? Why did u attract these people because of the neon light thts flashing on our head that we are codependent use me abuse me o our own behaviors which include choices.

Recovery is never simple ..... giving up is so easy.... My choice is to continue recovery for life .... because I am done being responsible for others lives time take care of me.

your suggestions are so appreciated !!

This is great information for anyone new to group !!

What great resources. I am an Adult Child of Alcoholics, along with a lot of other dysfuction. Did the meetings for awhile, but really did not work the steps. Instead, I have been in a very dysfuctional relationship for a long time. Finally, things just got to a point where I knew change was absolutely necessary. After finding the CoDA site and doing some reading, I truly realized I am sooooo codependent. Trying to find a meeting. Hope to start soon. I ordered the CoDA book and workbook. Waiting to get started on that. This time, I need to work the steps. So grateful to have found this site. All these resources are GREAT.

The greatest things that ever happened to me for all of my addictions (including codependency) and mental illness (not including meds here) concerns were:

Therapy & DBT


DBT taught me to become mindful, tolerate distress, regulate my emotions and build skills for interpersonal relations.

All the while I was in therapy discussing these skills and processing real time events, and getting support in alcohol recovery, learning skills and recognizing patterns in regards to codependency, learning about good pain vs bad pain, learning healthy boundaries, dealing with my self worth and image and identity. I just took full advantage of remaking myself.

I still go to counseling every other week for support and skills. Right now we are going backwards again. I still am remaking myself..I want to heal what I can heal. I use my DBT skills everyday and advocate them to others when I can. This whole experience has been the greatest gift I have ever given myself.

If you have a chance to do any of this it will reward you greatly.

I haven't heard of DBT - can you explain what it is for me ? thank you

Dialectical Behavior Therapy..for resolving conflicting thoughts..using mindfulness to help you make wise decisions.

You get DBT thru a mental health facility. You can see what DBT is like at dbtselfhelp.com.

It helps all kinds of disorders.

Wow! I came to this group after reading something in another forum that made me want more information. There is some great stuff here (in this thread and the others as well). Thank you.

Thank You so much. I have done some of the things on the list but sometimes fall into a victim mentality and forget to love and support myself through the recovery process. This helps. I will make a conscious effort to do at least one or more of these things per day from now on. I feel consistency is something that I really need right now.

Sorrry, 4veryoung1,
I meant to post a thank you to the person who sent you the long list of resources. However, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, as I too have been working through similar issues in my relationships and thought patterns. I am also using positive affirmations and books on spiritual self healing, as a means of making changes in my life. I personally love, You Can Heal your life by , Louise Hay. Visit, hayhouse.com to see if there are any other resources that you'd like to check out. Hope this helps.

learningt, I have Louise Hay's book and several others. She is an amazing, positive, gifted lady. Thank you for the suggestions and best of luck to you on your journey.