Hi Salina:

I say the fact that you ask that question to your self is a sign of moving in the right direction.

I once read an article in a Psychology magazine about people becoming codependent with their Therapist and that the Therapist needs to be trained to deal with codependency to STOP that from happening, and very few Therapist are knowledgeable about codependency because it is not considered to be a true mental illness - but Therapist never admit to not knowing.

I have talked to professional Therapist and even the really smartest Therapist can never fathom or comprehend the horrible realities of my own childhood or of my dysfunctional family of origin - and as such only myself can really understand my problems and to do my own healthy recovery.

Another point is that we (no one) can ever be totally honest or forthright even with a trusted Therapist, and recovery requires that we must be totally honest and we can only be totally honest with our self alone. Even today I have some things which I can never reveal to anyone and yet I can never forget any of it.

Another thing that I discovered over my own last 20+ years is that most other people do not do their own homework and most people do not get healthy or into recovery so the better that I get for myself then the more alone that I become and I end up being a non professional Therapist to other people all around me.

One experience was that one of my many Doctors (medical Doc not Psycho) made a simple error in one of my many diagnosis and she called it a "lie" saying that she lied about the diagnosis, and it was not a lie as she simply made a simple honest mistake, so there I was as the patient in the exam room telling my Doctor that she was doing fine and to stop beating on her self and everybody makes mistakes and it was not a big deal - so I was being the Therapist to my Doctor at that time.

I have brothers and sisters who say that they work on their own recovery but they really do not, and they get pissed off if I try to tell them anything, so too my mother claimed that she had fixed herself when she really did nothing and she died in denial with all the healing for my family being left undone.

So I say yes - but be sure to do your own work alone, and yes a healthy adult walks alone as independent, and then you become the strong one who other people lean on.

The process never ends, as recovery means for the rest of our life, and it is a wonderful way to live to know our own feelings and to govern our own emotions and to choose our own boundaries for life.

I find one of the best ideas for recovery is based on the 12th Step, and so go write a book based on your own knowledge, and then post each chapter of the book onto a website so it becomes free to other people seeking to work on their self, and with an online link then it becomes easy to share, because we heal our self best by helping others in their work.

I created my own here = https://independentfew.wordpress.com/2014/10/13/codependency-definition/

In order to really share - then it has to be put into print.

Peace.

Thank you for your post . After a major trigger with my friend I decided to see my therapist and it didn’t make me feel much better .

I feel I depend on her when I’ve got the tools but I’ve outgrown her , I’m stuck in abit of a predicament can I manage alone am I going against my intuition and continuing with her something I really need to think about and decide .

Making no decision is still making a decision.

Justice delayed is justice denied.

A wrong decision is better than no decision.

Our decisions are what defines us - we are what we decide.

If a Therapist has any part of our own decision - as like when the Therapist supports the decision, assist in the decision - then it is not our own decision - then it is codependency attaching to the Therapist.

It is the same as a parent making decisions for their adult child, or the parent coaching their child to make the decision that the parent(s) want - then the child is not free of their bonds.

To stand alone is the ultimate goal - of course God is always with us as we stand alone - that seems like a contradiction but it is not.

Just my perspective here, because any decision is your own.

Thanks yes she’s helped me get quite far I do really appreciate that over the three years but there’s a few things I don’t like .

Once she was due to give me some resources through the post which were not given .

Second time she offered to see me again for a free session but did not get back to me and assumed I was in the following week without booking me .

She’s helped me get very far but sometimes when I talk about a few issues they are not probed about when I’ve mentioned them only topics that concern her .her style is more free flowing

She also automatically assumes I want sessions every two weeks I don’t think she likes I’m becoming independent . I do have to take responsibility for my lack of assertiveness but I do feel as much as she wants me to get healthier she doesn’t from a business perspective.



Yes The decision is mine to make .

I mostly do my work on my own but I also attend a support group which I am weaning myself from as I have advanced past 100% needing it. I have found reading certain books very helpful but that includes challenging myself to do my work, make the changes. I do believe people can change themselves on their own if they have a certain level of self understanding and maturity. How you describe your therapist is not uncommon for some therapists. Some people going into the helping professions have their own codependency issues. A good therapist helps the client with "discharge" and I would bring this up and say you are ready to discharge from her care. You may have moved past what her skill level is and you might be fine on your own or need someone with more training or more skills. Therapists or counselors are human and like every profession, there are good ones and not good ones. People tend to assume that if someone is a licensed therapist or counselor, that they have done their own work, have training, and are not self absorbed. You may be at the point that you have moved beyond her ability to further help you. A good counselor would see this as good for the client. If you are ready to move on, then move on. You know what is best for you. Consider this leaving as a way to validate your own self and to practice being assertive and setting boundaries that are good for yourself.

That’s what it’ is I’m not denying I need support but I have outgrown her knowledge level and style . Part of it is me becoming more independent also .

Will take your points onboard.