addiction has been called a family disease because every member of the addicts family is negatively affected in some way. That is why there are helpful organizations like al-anon which I highly recommend. Even though your bf is still in recovery, you might still be experiencing the aftershocks or after affects of his years of addiction.

As an AA member, I have seen many times where couples have reunited after about 6 months of recovery. So you just never know. I just turned my life over to my Higer Power and 6 months later, my ex wanted me back, but I was beginning to enjoy being single so I politely declined. We are still friends.

Hope you can find some peace.

God Bless

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I will consider attending Al-Anon meetings as my father is also an alcoholic. I think I'm dealing with the guilt of feeling like I was an enabler because of my codependent behavior with his addiction problem. We were together unofficially for about two years and officially for about seven months. We started officially dating about two months before he went to rehab. When he left, he moved to live with his mom in another state.

He has been working the AA program since rehab and just hit the 6 month milestone earlier this month. Thank you again for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate it more than you know.

What Al Anon helped me to do was to see things with clarity. I saw my behaviors and I saw the behaviors of my addict from a "truth" perspective rather than my old codependency and I will make him change attitude. What I really learned was the patterns of behaviors in substance abuse and our role, guilt, shame, thinking patterns. It helped me to see me and to fix me. That clarity made me realize I did want to divorce him and that the behaviors I had swept under the rug for years were not healthy for me. Your BF has changed, hopefully for the better and for good, and the guy who reunites with you will be a changed man. It could be better or it could be worse between you two.

We can love someone but the relationship is still not good. Love alone isn't enough. Step back, focus on your healing and emotional growth. Learn to fulfill our own needs. If we simply wait and focus on them coming back, we miss the opportunity. If we chase them, our focus is on them again and not on ourselves and our issues. You can look at this time as a gift that will enable you to live a healthier, happier life as you work on yourself.

Ok so yes, give him some time alone and there is a very good chance he will call you sometime down the road and this is based on my own experience and what I have seen from others.

Do not hold on to any guilt. You did nothing wrong and if you have a problem letting go of guilt, use this prayer:

"Take this from me and look upon it, Judging it for me.
Let me not see it as a sign of sin and death, nor use it for destruction.
Teach me how NOT to make it an obstacle to Peace,
But let YOU use it for me, to facilitate it's coming."

This prayer works for me every time.

You are welcome to come here and talk or just vent anytime.
We are here to help.

God Bless

That's good you're in therapy too. First thing is your health and your relationship with yourself. I think focusing on your codependency tendencies should come second to taking this time to learn how to love and be with YOU. This situation sounds very similar to my daughters last relationship. They both went into rehab and he was judging her and blaming. His way of convincing himself to break up. He really wouldn't take responsibility for his actions and it was easier to put her down to build himself up. She was hurt but stayed clean and found a great sober house where she has graduated to her own apartment with one other supporting friend. Has a job, bought a car and worked on herself. Meet a guy who really appreciates her and engages her intelligence. Her old bf tried to meet up with her and she was able to say that it wasn't a good idea. Moving on is sometimes the way for a truly fresh start.

Thank you to you all for taking the time to reply.

I will say I did reach out to him on Sunday. I texted him and he called me. We spent an hour on the phone. I thought that would be it but he texted me on Monday and Tuesday and he called on Tuesday but I was busy and told him I would have to call him back. The text conversations were casual and short. I'm not trying to give them too much importance.

@urbangardener I have been trying to focus on myself and to let him go. I don't want to waste my time waiting for him. I still love him dearly though. I am trying to grow and be independent. I started going to Al-Anon and Codependents Anonymous meetings this past week.

@bobinmaine I will try to let go of any guilt I feel regarding our relationship and its dynamics. Thank you for the prayer. I will be keeping it mind especially when I find myself struggling. Thank you for making yourself available.

@finallyawakenow I am also trying to cultivate self-love and really work on myself. I'm glad to hear your daughter is doing well. I am trying to move on and start fresh.