Am I reading this correctly? You want to end a relationship with a wonderful man because your two GROWN UP daughters want you to?? Honey, re-read what you wrote! You are letting your daughters control and dictate your life! You are a grown woman, you raised your daughters. It is your time to live and enjoy love and life. If you daughters do not like the new situation then let them know that they are free to move out of your house and move on with their lives. They are taking advantage of you!!!

My daughters are still young (10-17) but they also play on my kindness and good heart.. They know how to work me and certainly try to control me. At times they do win.. but I have been working on and getting better at loving and caring for them without neglecting and loving myself. I have a tough love friend who will call it as she sees it so when I feel like my kids are pulling one over on me I call her. She can usually help my find my strength with a hard dose of reality!

Thank you fire fairy for your response. The reason I reached out to the group was because I know it would be wrong to end this relationship and.. I know they are definitely old enough to figure this out.

I have been codependent , a caretaker, peacemaker and people please my whole life - it was my role and job in my family growing up and still is. I am trying so hard to break this pattern but it is hard. That's exactly why I joined this group.

So if you don't mind, I would appreciate any responses, advice, resources to read just to keep on track and moving forward.

I really appreciate your input and support!

I'll be thinking good thoughts and prayers for you. Keep me posted !

I read "Codependency No More" by Melody Beattie. It's a good book and interesting read. It might help to shed some light on why you behave in the patterns that you do and it has exercises to help you break the patterns.

A lot of people recommend meetings. Unfortunately for me, i live in an area that does not have that resource but maybe it's a possibility for you.

Also use this site. It does help to receive encouragement here. And sometimes you might just find that you need that one friend that gives you the "dose of reality" :)

Best wish to you on your journey to recovery!

Firefairy , you've already encouraged me just for responding and having understand !! Thank you !

You said that your daughters pay you a bit of money for rent. But do you still cater to them? Cook, clean, do the dishes and wash, pamper the needs? What is the reason that they chose to stay at home and not venture out on their own?

Hi firefairy,

You pose an excellent question. Why so they chose to stay here. I think because of certain circumstances. One does mission work and they both have it pretty easy . I don't cater to them - don't do their laundry, cook and some other things. But they have a nice house to live in and it's a pretty good deal. Unfortunately, it seems to be about 50 percent of adult children live with or rebound to live with back at home. We live in So California, and it is darn expensive but still - your question is good. In the end, I am allowing them to dictate my life and that is why I need support. Thank you so much !! I really appreciate your support !!

Well that makes the situation a bit more complicated. It would be an easier situation if you were catering to them to say, slowly pull back and let them to take of themselves. Im sure living in the area that you live in, that there are plenty of support groups and/or therapist that specialize in codependency. I wish you the best and hope that your daughters can learn to enjoy watching their mom find love and happiness. Best wishes.

Snap out of it. it is ok to be somewhat of a friend to our children but 1 st n up most we must be mothers not buddys.
Your daughters are self serving at your cost. kick the adults out. you taugh them to fly. push them out of nest again.
Living at home, hum what ddo they ddo when their dates want to watch a movie at your place/their home. what do they sub consiouslt think that they will live with their husband in your house and you will be free baby sitting service.
Get a grip. It's your life your happiness it's all about you not them dicatating you.

Stand u for your legal rights.
stand up for your personal life n space.

Is it your house are is everybody living in 1 of daughters house. didn't think so.

I will walk to kitchen in my bday suit if I want. I choise to live a lone.
I must say that I will never ever live with anybody in my home r his.
I have 2 day policy. 2 days is max that even realitives can stay with me. yp I have been know to even get a plane ticket for my mother. yep after 2 days who ever will be tossed out.
Don't get me wrong I absolutely admire and love my mother but she has her own home and her own life. she raised me will.

Admiral - you are good and thank you for the advice and strong, supporting words. I'll keep you posted. :)

I agree completely with reply #1 Firefairy.

"Am I reading this correctly? You want to end a relationship with a wonderful man because your two GROWN UP daughters want you to?? Honey, re-read what you wrote! You are letting your daughters control and dictate your life! You are a grown woman, you raised your daughters. It is your time to live and enjoy love and life. If you daughters do not like the new situation then let them know that they are free to move out of your house and move on with their lives. They are taking advantage of you!!! "

You might also want to think about emptying your nest. Your adult children need to learn to stand on their own two feet. It's not healthy for you or them. Do you think you would ever be able to have a stable and loving relationship with someone and eventually get married with your daughters living at home? Will this living situation interfere with you finding a serious relationship? What benefit are you getting from letting your adult children continue to live at home? It might even be avoiding something painful like the backlash you might get from telling your children they need to grow up and move out.

If you were happy with them living with you and you had a healthy relationship with them and it was a mutual agreement then maybe having both of them live with you would not be an issue. But I am also codepedendent and don't like telling people no and am a people pleaser (working on not doing that anymore!). I cringe at the thought of any kind of conflict. I can see this might be that type of situation where you don't necessarily want them living with you but don't know how to tell them they need to move out.

You are a grown woman and your children are grown up. They should not be able to dictate who you date or want to marry.