Because you are a loving and caring person. But, it is not your responsibility to save him from the consequences of his actions. That's the hardest part for me. I know the consequences may be harsh and I don't want them to have to deal with them so I try to soften it for them. My ex-husband was an addict and I did everything in my power to save him from the consequences but couldn't. I didn't understand at the time that it was his responsibility.

You did nothing wrong and do not owe him an apology. You just wanted the best for him but since he does not choose that, you may feel you failed, but you didn't. You may never get an apology. Or maybe if he ever gets the help he needs for his addiction, you might but you can't hold on to that. Can I ask why you feel like it was your fault?

Addiction is called a family disease because the whole family suffers as a result of the addicts actions. You did absolutely nothing wrong!

You seem to be holding onto some guilt. Guilt arises from past judgments and I have a prayer that helps me to let go of guilt.

"Take this from me and look upon it judging it for me.
Let me not see it as a sign of sin and death, now use it for destruction.
Teach me how NOT to make it an obstacle to Peace,
But let You use it for me, to facilitate it's coming."

The above prayer, works for me every time!

God Bless

I said some harsh things to him the last time we talked. I had found some pretty dark news out so I lost it. I feel I failed him/us. I am afraid that my harsh/mean words will make every memory ugly when he thinks of us together.
He didn't like being called out about his addiction. I know he knows he has one but I think the addiction has more control over him than his mind to make the right choices, to be safe, to be mindful of using protection etc. Ha reading this, I sound like his mother.
At times, it is like a lost a bff but I have to wonder if that was even true anymore. I wonder how he can pick a dark lifestyle over me. I can understand if it was a chemical addiction but I can't understand sex addiction. I lived through my dad gambling (later in his life) and I could never understand that either. Chemicals I do understand.

I know my comments are all over the place. I have held in so much for so long that I don't even know how to put it into words.

I do feel guilty not only because of my words but I attempted to experiment with him. As time went on, it got darker and darker. I hated/hate myself for it but it wasn't me. I was becoming a person that I hated. I couldn't pretend to understand any longer.

I just read a perfect quote on another post. "it is like I am addicted to him"
That is so true.

McKee I feel the same way. Somewhere inside me I have known that my marriage was hurting me, yet I would sacrifice anything to hold it together. He left anyway. But it's like you said- I almost feel an addiction to him. It leaves me sad, overwhelmed, depressed and angry at myself. It's been 2 months and those feelings haven't subsided. The holidays are coming which has always been my favorite time of the year. I have no family(besides my own children) and I'm already experiencing even more anxiety on how to make this a happy time.
I feel your pain and wouldn't wish it on anyone!

You don't. You have anxiety, and you have developed a technique of apologising in order to reset power balances and get people to like you.

We all do it as women. Find something to say sorry for. If we can find something to say sorry it will make them relent. They will feel powerful, important. The paradigm will be reasserted. They will let go of anger. They will love us again. Maybe even look at themselves the way we look at ourselves. Maybe even (nope not going to happen) apologise for something, to us. Did I mention that's not going to happen?

We do unto them what they ought to be doing unto us. We think for them, feel for them, jump in and go through hell for them. We turn ourselves into doormats because they never apologise and surely someone has to? When we need to learn to step back and leave a silent, empty space for them to actually grow into. We're not their mother.

It's really self-defeating. It's tinkering. Withstand the pressure. What he wishes to do he will do. Deem him to have done what he wishes. Understand that you cannot perform his actions for him. He is himself.

You need to be yourself.

Thank you for all of your advice and opinions. I have read them over and over. Every time I read something new it hits home because think that is so true. I truly appreciate your replies.
itsgottogetbetter - I will keep you in my prayers for your heartache to subside. I have found that since I have blocked him from my life, phone, email , social media it has been a little bit easier. I found I was stalking his facebook page, new friends etc. It wouldn't leave my mind. Then one morning I realized I was torturing myself, I already felt so anxious and guilty now I was digging myself in deeper.
I have realized I will never get the apology I want from him. I made a list of reasons why I felt I deserve an apology, what I feel he took from me that I will never get back, why I felt I owed him an apology. I read over it for a few days and threw it away. I pray he gets help with his sex addiction and doesn't get hurt by anyone, catch something and that he realizes the path he is taking is getting darker and darker.
I pray I learn a lesson and learn more about myself before I ever fall in love again.