Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Its hard for me to share. Its more like I dont know where to start. I had a hard childhood and focus on school as way to cope with things. Now I am in a career that I love, but cant focus enough because my emotions (that I have been digging/ hiding in order to escape from them are coming up to the surface). I am struggling in every area of my life. Especially relationships with others. I was focus on other people trying to help them because that way it would be less time for me to focus on my problems. And I wanted to be numb.
And I have been in and out of toxic relationships. Recently, I got involved with a co-worker. And I thought it was going to work out. WE had been dating for like three months now and last week we went on a date and we had a great time. At least that is what I though. But he didn't call or text me for a week, but last night he took me out for dinner. But he brought a date our dinner and while we are eating they were all over each other. At the end of the dinner he goes, I hope we are cool, because I think you are a great friends. It was the most heartbreaking thing I have experience. I was foolish enough to think he liked me. And it was really hard to seem together. That image of them was a like a knife cutting through my heart. I hope I can used that image as motivation to change for the better. But right now I am heartbroken and need to change, but dont really know how or have a big support group.
And I have been in and out of toxic relationships. Recently, I got involved with a co-worker. And I thought it was going to work out. WE had been dating for like three months now and last week we went on a date and we had a great time. At least that is what I though. But he didn't call or text me for a week, but last night he took me out for dinner. But he brought a date our dinner and while we are eating they were all over each other. At the end of the dinner he goes, I hope we are cool, because I think you are a great friends. It was the most heartbreaking thing I have experience. I was foolish enough to think he liked me. And it was really hard to seem together. That image of them was a like a knife cutting through my heart. I hope I can used that image as motivation to change for the better. But right now I am heartbroken and need to change, but dont really know how or have a big support group.
I'd suggest professional therapy. If you know you have a good life but can't seem to enjoy it, there may be some deeper issues you need to take care of.
Hugs.
As Deli said, in addition to posting here and reading other people's posts, it may help to get outside therapy, too--I know it has helped me tremendously to talk to someone who is professionally trained to help us learn to love ourselves and be in tune more with "assholes" when they approach--I can have a bad temper so I'd be afraid of what I would say to him the next time I had the chance....thank God you didn't continue--it's HIS stuff, not yours--we always blame ourselves--in time at least you will pick up on the "asshole cues" --
It sounds like you're ready to get going. But remember, whatever you decide, take care of yourself. You are allowed to do something that will make you feel better like going to the movies or getting a massage. As others say please, take care of you.
hugs.
To answer some questions. The not nice guy I was dating (yes, were dating not in a relationship, but we were dating he met my friends and I met his friends outside of work. He even met my parents when they came to visit. We kissed every time we were together. He pay for every date that we went on. He watch my dog when I was always.He told me how much he liked me, but wanted to take things slow and just date) I guess I really did not see the difference between dating and being in relationship and that was my problem. Technically, when you are dating you can date other people. But I was not dating anyone else I was only interested in him and I guess that was his way of telling me that he wasnt. And I know what he did was beyond messed up
The worst part is that we are both social workers. And we worked together and we are in the field of helping others (although we specialize in working with abuse children). And yes we both have background of being abuse as children ourselves. Maybe that is why I felt so connected to him. We had similar past and future goals. Although, I am 27 no kids never been married and he is 42 and divorcee. I realized that he wanted the fun and not an attachment. I become to co-dependent too soon. Yes, I am in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist. I am diagnosis with ADHD, depression, and anxiety. And the ex-dater, is diagnosis with bi-polar (his mood swings were really bad even on medication) and OCD. I think he might have a personality disorder as well. I really cared about him too much to hate him. I am angrier at myself for not seeing the red flags and getting so attached. I do need to work on loving myself and knowing I deserve better.
Isn't it funny that we still have "Strong feelings" for the person that did shitty things? I think I was so used to making excuses for my father's behavior, my ex's behavior, a few boyfriend's behavior.....that I could not remove myself, pull back and look at it from the outside and say..."He's an asshole" and not have to analyze it to death. I am SO good at analyzing "his" behavior till the cows come home, and you know what? WHO the hell knows what goes on in their heads....I don't know why I'm swearing today--
Anyway, it is HIS stuff--his behavior says so much about HIM not YOU--I get into this "what is it about me? What did I do?" Most likely NOTHING....lol....Yes, see if you can find a meeting and keep posting here. I have gotten so much out of this support and listening to others that KNOW what I am talking about---IF you use prayer, pray to let go--and as someone said, do something nice for yourself today :)