Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
So I read today's "Thought of the Day" at Hazeldon (http://www.hazelden.org/web/public/thought.view?catId=1904) and how timely?! So I grew up with a mother who I always thought was The Master of Manipulation, but in the "sweetest way". She would sigh and wait for you to ask her what was wrong. She never felt bad for emotionally dumping or asking for help, because technically, you "initiated" the contact. So I thought, "okay I grew up with the Master of Manipulation, no one is going to manipulate me to take care of them. I'll see it coming from miles away."
Well, of course I'm a codependent and yesterday my husband tried a few different things to trigger me back into our usually love-anger cycle. I caught it in the morning (ignoring my boundaries) and handled it. I totally patted myself on the back. But he knows I'm weak at night. I don't think straight and just act on instinct at night. So he approached with an innocent question ("Do you still love me?" - whoa) and started a conversation and before I knew it, he was emotionally dumping on me and I was getting defensive and thinking "he made me feel this way." and everywhere that leads.
Today, I bow to his (unconsciously) superior manipulation skills. But today my game is to watch and figure out his cues. And figure out my cues. Eventually I'll figure out his game like I figured out my Mom and then he won't be able to hook me!
Thanks for letting me share. :-) If anyone wants to share their experiences/wisdom regarding this I would love to read it.
Well, of course I'm a codependent and yesterday my husband tried a few different things to trigger me back into our usually love-anger cycle. I caught it in the morning (ignoring my boundaries) and handled it. I totally patted myself on the back. But he knows I'm weak at night. I don't think straight and just act on instinct at night. So he approached with an innocent question ("Do you still love me?" - whoa) and started a conversation and before I knew it, he was emotionally dumping on me and I was getting defensive and thinking "he made me feel this way." and everywhere that leads.
Today, I bow to his (unconsciously) superior manipulation skills. But today my game is to watch and figure out his cues. And figure out my cues. Eventually I'll figure out his game like I figured out my Mom and then he won't be able to hook me!
Thanks for letting me share. :-) If anyone wants to share their experiences/wisdom regarding this I would love to read it.
I can react in a split second and then regret it a second later. I have to learn to say "I don't want to talk about this right now" or "No comment" or thinking "I am not going to start this dance again" and WALK AWAY SOMEWHERE....But believe me when i say that I can initiate, too, and have to be aware of that, too--
It's almost like imagining a barrier between you and the other person--you stay on your side of the street :)
Hugs.
ShellOfMyself: Thanks. ^_^ It's just nice to know that I'm not alone, after feeling so alone for so long, like I'm weird and just too quirky to really relate to anyone.
DeliAnnem: Thank you! The next morning when I realized I was acting out of my victim thinking, I decided that as part of my boundaries I won't discuss anything after 7pm. If it doesn't work, I'll try moving it to the weekends, it's a good suggestion. I didn't know where to draw the line after 7pm regarding "safe topics", but I really like your suggestion of current events and food. ^_^