Can only share my journey, May or may not be yours. I found that the anger out was always a mask for my fear or pain. For me, I then turned the anger in on myself, blamed me and depression would follow. Working on my recovery, I also learned that I came from a family that played the blame game. That meant that anything that happened, big or small, someone was to blame. Way too many rules, so easy for someone to break one. There were no accidents. Running in a game, trip and fall, bloody knee = my fault. Lord, stuff happens going thru childhood. Not given a reminder to be more careful, instead a blaming, shaming loud lecture about me.

Don't know how your journey will continue, but working on my codependency was where I saw what I was doing, so could start changing me from the inside out, or sometimes from the outside in. You have certainly moved along rapidly in your self awareness and insights.

Congrats on your rapid progress. If the blame game applies, that's good; if not, just rule it out of your journey tasks. You will find your answers. Here for you. Hugs.

Thank you again for your support :)

I understand what you've been through during your childhood; living in a world where everything has to be someone's fault doesn't let you grow at all, so you came a long a way and i am proud of you.

Regarding my childhood, I recently saw clearly how both my parents suffered and still suffer from depression, so no wonder i have a fear of abbandoment..my mother told me a few days ago that she wouldn't mind if she died, but she doesn't have the strength to suicide..it's a really tough thing to hear..as an adult thankfully I can cope with, but as a child I understand that it was really hard and caused some damage on how I see relationships. I have to work on it.

Thank you, your feedback means a lot!

Thank you for sharing. Part of the codependency for so many of us does go back to just trying to survive. Two depressed parents! Children know they must have a family. The terror of not having one moves us into trying to fix things way out of our control. Problem is we both know and don't know that. And so we deal the best we can. Parents are our earliest models for relationships. Learned so much when I read up on alcoholic and other dysfunctional families via ACOA literature. We truly don't know what normal is because we didn't get to see it. Hugs as you keep hustling along on your journey Kate.

You're right we don't know what normal is in a relationship..many times I find myself feeling like I'm lost in a relationship and looking for "use instructions"..I really don't know how to be in a relationship and what's normal, so I try to tell myself not to overthink and just let things go their way..
Thank you for your support. Big hug to you, Maria

Hey Maria, one starting point for me was observing healthy relationships, including healthy friendships, to see what normal folks did and didn't do. It really helped me. Hugs.

Hi Kate!

That's a good tip, thanks :)
I'm trying to be relaxed and not let any little fear interfere..
Big hug to you too!