Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Hi Everyone,
This is my first ever support group and my first time talking about my codependence, so I am a bit nervous. I am not really sure where to start, or how much to share, so please feel free to correct me so I can fix it for next time!
I have not formally been diagnosed with codependency issues, but am in current pursuit of some talk therapy to hopefully start working through some of this baggage. I was in a very toxic and abusive relationship with a manipulative narcissist for two years (living together for one) though have been out of that relationship for about 2 1/2 years now. During that relationship I think I formed my codependecy issues, because he made me relient on him through manipulation and abuse. However, I dont know that forsure, but it is my best guess as to why. However, fast forward to now; I have been in a relationship for almost a year and half with the most AMAZING man. He is the most caring, patient, loving, supportive, loyal and kind person I have ever known. This is when I started to realize I might have some codependecy issues. He is my absolute best friend, and has done nothing but love and support me through everything. So why do I have such trust issues? Why do I get such overwhelming amounts of jealousy over things I shouldnt? I have felt so guilty and wrong for these negative emotions, that I tend to bottle them up because I feel crazy and controlling for having them. I do NOT ever want to be controlling or toxic towards this man, but after awhile of trying to push these feelings down I always end up snapping over something stupid. I know he loves me, and I just want to be able to love and trust him fully right back the way he deserves. But I feel so overwhelmed by fear, jealousy, envy, and being left out that sometimes it takes over my entire day. I try my best to rationalize with myself and not take it out on him, and for the most part I do this well, but it does cause a lot of strain on my mental health. I havent talked to him about any of this, because it is a pretty new realization for me that this may stem from codependecy issues and not just me being out of line. I want to understand it a little better and be able to show him I have a plan to better myself before bringing that label into the relationship.
Anyways, thanks for listening!
Perhaps you should bring it up at your next therapy session or take an online quiz/look up characteristics of codependency. I know its not the most reliable source but this way you can be honest with yourself and your answers without feeling like youre being judged. This is just things that worked for me and I hope you start to feel better!
I like to read books. There are many on the topic of codependency. I personally found great help with this book The New Codependency by Melody Beatty. If you read it, be sure to do the exercises at each chapter. Really think about yourself. You can't heal what you don't recognize or acknowledge. I find it helpful to first know why I am doing whatever that is dysfunctional and then work out a plan to change. And I am kind to myself about my dysfunction so please be kind to yourself and don't blame or shame yourself. We do better when we know better so stop the shame and blame and guilt. No human is perfect. Every human has problems.
Something within you needs healing. For me, I needed approval and to be liked. I work on this all the time and just recently am learning to tell people what I really think without caring if they like me or not. The daily struggle where you ruminate and can't stay in equilibrium is something to also discuss with your therapist. You might need a consult with a psychiatrist if the therapist feels it would help in getting the proper diagnosis. Just throwing that out there, not meant as a slam. My friend was always moody and irrational, but a kind and friendly person, and had a meltdown at work and was forced to go to a psychiatrist to keep their job, who diagnosed this person with a mood disorder. Now they are better, calmer, more rational in thought and actions, are not ruminating constantly, even happier, but they are on medication and getting therapy. Feel free to write more as you feel you need or to ask questions. Best wishes to you.
I can relate with past relationship. I was married for 3 yrs, together for 5, but never stood up for myself and was constantly feeling smothered and always judged. And my previous 2 relationships were similar, where I just wanted them to be happy, and completely forgot about myself!
My current relationship was an eye opener. I felt much the same way as you, and to the point to where she did not want to be with me. This was because I was basing my happiness on her, and not myself. But having accepted that I have an issue, and started to do things that help me, like therapy, anxiety medication, going to the gym, and other mental distraction techniques like singing to myself have really helped me out!!
Good luck to you!