I don't even know where to begin. I am in a super dysfunctional relationship. I feel like everything is my fault, and I am willing to do anything to change for this person. I am never good enough and therefore my self-esteem is zero and I am miserable. Why do I stay? He's had it with me as well and I don''t know why he stays.

I researched a bunch on how to fix my relationship. Then I realized that I would be the only one participating because he thinks everything is my fault and I do something wrong everyday. I hate myself so much because his opinion of me makes my opinion of myself. I thought about how I just am not good enough for him, therefore good enough period and I realized I might be co-dependent. I checked all the symptoms and yes, I have them all.

It's hard for me to write this because all I can hear in my head is how I am victimizing myself and I did all these things to him and I need to figure it out how to fix it (his words) I feel guilty saying anything negative about him. I am just tired of feeling this way and I have a feeling he is going to dump me soon anyways, he really is sick of me and hes on the verge of breaking up with me everyday. But I feel a black hole at the thought of it...like I would be lost and have nothing left to fight for because everything I have fought for to this point was for us.
I realize this is all jumbled and I have anxiety about even saying these things, but I need help. I have made so much progress with other things, getting a new awesome job, beating an eating disorder, getting better at depression...I don't want it all to be lost. and I know myself and I know I did all those things in the hope of a bright future for me and this guy, I tried so hard with his face as the end result and a future together, and now if I dont have that i feel as if I have nothing.

Thanks for letting me blab on this, I love this site and the support and its the first step right?