Hi, I'm totally new to forums but looking for support as it is only recently I have finally discovered I am a codependent.
I had a typically crazy childhood with chaotic parents, a violent detached dad and a codependent mother who treated me like an extension of herself and required emotional,physical support from me when I was far too young to understand it was wrong and it was robbing me of any childhood.
I've then gone on to have devastating relationships with men and am attracted to pain,addictions and depression in my partners, in an attempt to help or support them. I now realise this is because it is familiar and a distraction to my own deep problems.
I'm in therapy and have just come out of my last relationship with a man who on the surface was lovely but was passive abusive, and spent quite alot of time putting me down, even though I work hard (2 jobs,he didn't have one), raise a kid and have friends (he doesn't).
I now made a decision to stay single for atleast the next few years of my life to fully concentrate on me.
It's a really tough decision because I like having a partner but seem incapable of good selection and end up merging into that other person and all their problems...their pain becomes mine, and I stop focussing on me, infact I totally become void.
It's hard to admit this is me, here on this forum as I give off the impression of being quite capable and together at work and in public, but in reality I'm in a catch 22 and just don't seem able to have a healthy relationship.