Welcome SP. This is a kind group. We are all trying to improve ourselves. I am glad you are trying this group. I can relate to being uncomfortable thinking about perhaps being codependent. I was shocked and dismayed when I first read a couple of books on codependency. OMG, yes the problem is me. Our paths are often rocky and sometimes take bends and turns and detours but they are the paths we are on. There are 12 step codependency groups all online right now, as in zoom meeting. There are CODA meetings and different types done like in church settings. Lots of people find these helpful because you are in a group with others, even on zoom, and people say things that are helpful in gaining new understanding of ourselves.

You wondered about my experience. What I was trying to do in the beginning of knowing about codependency was to change my husband and how he acted and reacted with his estranged son. I was trying to self protect by getting husband to change. A friend mentioned codependency. Okay, hum, I doubt it I thought, so I went to the library and got Codependent No More by Beatty. I figured out a lot about me. Later on, months later, I found The New Codependency (the newer version of the old book mentioned) by the same author at the library and it really spoke to me. I even made some copies of some of the pages that pertain to my life. I keep them on my desk and reread them. I'd like to reread that book again. Its on my to do list. My worst thing was needing approval from others to feel good about me and thus always trying to change someone else so I felt good enough about me. In deciding to change, I started small with mantras or notes on the mirror saying positive things like "Love yourself first." I have some quotes about detachment right now around my desk. So what I did at first was when situations came up, I would step back and say "what is loving myself first in this situation" and how do I act not react. So if I am loving myself first, I tell my "truth" and set my boundaries and don't feel as awful doing so. I know this is best for me. Not in arrogance or narcissism but in self love. Let me give you a recent example. I have several much older friends, they are close to 80 years old. They want to keep meeting in person, no masks "everyone is safe", the COVID-19 count doesn't matter. It has been very high here. I tried to meet in-person with them once and it was scary, they don't take precautions and they aren't being safe in general or when we got together. So the next meeting announcement I flat our said, sorry, no I won't as our county positive case count is through the roof. They met anyway and I felt like I was loving myself first. I just got another email that since our county's positive cases are lower, let's meet again. One lady said her quarantine for having been on an airplane going to another state won't be over for 3 days after the meeting date, but hey, lets meet anyway "we are all safe." My old codependent self would meet with them just in gladness to have friends, someone to like me so I can like myself. And I'd be upset about their lack of caring about the virus but I'd still go! My new self says slow down and think about this, what is the best thing you can do for you in your personal situation and the people who have health concerns that you live with? So the new me, the self loving first me, puts myself first which is being self protective with my health and anything I might bring home and spread to the people I live with that are at high risk. I do still have to think through things sometimes.

Very good to hear that progress can be made. I'm still figuring out what self care and self love means for me.

Yes, we all get it. Figuring out who we are and how we are is our life's work. No one finds this stuff easy or quick. I call it the journey of my life time. I struggle sometimes and other times it has now gotten easier. Best wishes to you.

Welcome to the group... hope it helps on your recovery journey ... continue to post away :)

Just curious if anyone else felt slightly offended by this being presented in the form of an addiction.
I'm struggling with this personally right now.

Hi! I just joined a few days ago, and oddly, I was super excited that I could relate to a lot of it! To me it was the sign that I needed that I was denying any issue and trying to just move forward. I also bought a Codependency for Dummies, and OMG! I knew right then I had it. It took me having my pregnant girlfriend not want to be with me since I would depend on her for my happiness. And the last three relationships I have had over the last 10 plus years.
So, I have started my recovery if you will, about 3 days now, lol. But I think admitting it, owning, and having things I have been doing such as therapy, anxiety medication, and self realization has turned me in the right direction!