Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
My name is Mandy and I’m codependent. I started going to CoDa meetings almost 5 months ago. My husband found out that I had cheated on him several times, and said he would stay in the marriage to try to work on it. I realized, every single one of my relationships, including my first marriage, has been exactly the same. I’m needy, clingy always in need of attention. And I’m a cheater. Just looking for validation that I was wanted or attractive. With social media, it expanded. I cheated in every relationship and I haven’t been single since I’ve been 20 (im 34). Working on my marriage now is so hard, im struggling with the neediness. I just want comfort from my husband and he’s not always up for giving it to me. I can feel it inside me, wanting to be hugged and loved. Sometimes I feel crazy, sometimes I feel sad. I feel like I’m training myself to be alone and I hate it. I have a coda meeting tonight to attend but I’m just looking for others to talk too. I have no more social media, so this is the closest I can get.
Should feel good you are going to
CODA to help yourself to get better
And stronger.
Whether your marriage works or
Doesn’t. Cheating is not good so
hopefully that is stuff you can work
On.
Just keep showing up at meetings.
Time takes time to get humble enough
To be teachable. Read your literature,
Talk to other members maybe find a
Temporary sponsor. One on one therapy
Will help you a lot too.
The thing IMHO is to stop any and All
dysfunction in behaviors, thoughts
And actions. Dysfunction is often
generational too.
If we don’t feel enough as many Of us
Codependents don’t. That will take You
time To reparent and retrain yourself.
The whole purpose of 12 steps is to
Get and stay spiritual, mature and to heal
your emotional Wounds with the help
of your HP. My spirituality is strong my
Emotional wounds are deep and very
Hard to get at to heal.
Much of all this Is from our childhood.
Now as an adult We need to fix ourselves.
That takes a lot of work and its slow going
With all the healing, changing and growing
We need to do.
I will be honest being out of a Relationship
is easier to do the needed Work than in one.
Relationships are Where codependency
often shows up. Abandonment and rejection
Are huge issues for many of us.
Many of us have a wounded inner Child
that wants help, love and Comfort. This
Journey can be daunting. Its all about us
Not the other guy.
We often marry what we come from
And find someone on the same level
Of dysfunction. I know i did my ex has
The same mix as i do, HUGS
What I see is that you are missing the children that you never had.
Marriage is not really meant to be a love affair between men and women - marriage is to have a family with children.
The husband(s) can never fill the empty role of missing children.
Human nature is to nurture - for both the husband and the wife - and it is children who get the nurturing.
A spouse or a lover can not give us the clingy attention and validation because only children do that with their parents.
You want (feel the need) for loving and hugging, neediness and affection - which those are the human connections that children give to their parents.
It is not just women who have an inner passion for their own children - it is the men and husbands too who can not find fulfillment without children.
You could consider adoption if physically having your own is out.
You have a second husband and 3 dogs - and yet there is some thing important missing from that family unit.
This is just my opinion of course, and it is based on my own years of study and experience.
Welcome here to this group.
The purpose of children is NOT to provide attention and validation to needy, clingy adults. That is the thought process that leads young woman who "just want to be loved" to get pregnant without much regard to the long term repercussions of raising a child to adulthood.
Once you learn to truly love yourself, you will no longer seek validation and self worth from others.
recovery, I still struggle with it. It just takes
time and self patience to get in there deep
Enough.
It really is The peeling back of the layers and
working On yourself and your own issues. Many
find It hard to look within and learn who they
are And begin to heal themselves.
Recovery is a gift we give ourselves And often
times it was long past overdue. ManyPeople will
find their bottom first before they Will ever begin
Recovery. I know i was on bottom, HUGS