So why doesn't spell check work on the site?

Anyhow... Am I codependant? Probably. I have many issues. I hava an eating dissorder. Cocaine is my drug of choice when the eating disorder and sex addiction get out of control, and I have been single for most of my life cause I feel like I have shy man syndrome.

this is frustrating. Is it wrong to want to have a friend that u can rely on and be completly honest with? I have had this feeling for many years that I will not be complete and healthy until I am in a relationship with a good woman. I am a good man!. It is not that I figure I need, or even want to be joined at the hip with anyone. I mean I am a pretty independant guy. I enjoy silence and doing things on my own, but it sure is nice to have somone to come home to. Or should I say that it would be nice. 

So there is this girl that I have been getting to know for the past couple of years. I have known her for over 40 years but was never attracted to her before. She had difficulty pronouncing her words so I could not understand her. She kind of freaked me out to be honest. maybe even creeped me out because she had a thing for me. I saw her as a non person (that may sound awefull and maybe it is)

A couple of years ago she took speach lessons. I can understand here now. She is (or seems) a beatiful, intelligent women. U know I always figured that if all else failed I could still have her as a girlfriend because I thought she was is attracted to me. Dilusions of Granduer I suppose.

I found myself, as usual, getting all hung up over wanting her to be my best friend and lover. We would have a great time together,I thought, so in my mind she wantedn me. those feelings of being wanted by a women fill me with feeelings of wonderous joy. I feel conected to the world and I have confidence that I feel will sustain me for the rest of my life, as long as we are together. 

Shit I guess I do have co-dependant issues after all.

I know that I need to be confident on my own, but being alone all the time and not haveing physical contact with a women sucks. and there is more to than just that. Right!! I mean come on, Endorphines are real things!! It feels wonderful to cuddle and to just be close to someone 

This Fricken Covid bits as well eh!!

I miss my dog

I had to put her to sleep last fall. She was my everything. I miss her very much, but I am now in need of human contact. 

Thanks for letting me vent all

I know what i need to do

Take care

All the best

xx