Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
My journey to find what codependency means has brought me to this online support group. I have only brushed the surface of what codependency was about 3 years ago. I realized some characteristics of it that I portrayed.
Now I sit here really struggling with more of what codependency is; as I face an unbelievable truth. That my husband is potentially, more than likely an addict. I have been through many obstacles in life and this one has by far been the hardest.
I am reaching a point where I am finally realizing that I am out of control trying to control and make sense of a situation that does not make sense. It has completely dragged me down and left me mentally drained.
I have the Codependents' Guide to the Twelve Steps, and I have read about half of it before.... but tonight I finally picked it up with the knowledge that I am absolutely ready to embark on this journey though it may be challenging. I now know that I need to this for myself. I am going to really do my homework and work the steps.
I know that what I gain from this will be an amazing destination into my true self.
Now I sit here really struggling with more of what codependency is; as I face an unbelievable truth. That my husband is potentially, more than likely an addict. I have been through many obstacles in life and this one has by far been the hardest.
I am reaching a point where I am finally realizing that I am out of control trying to control and make sense of a situation that does not make sense. It has completely dragged me down and left me mentally drained.
I have the Codependents' Guide to the Twelve Steps, and I have read about half of it before.... but tonight I finally picked it up with the knowledge that I am absolutely ready to embark on this journey though it may be challenging. I now know that I need to this for myself. I am going to really do my homework and work the steps.
I know that what I gain from this will be an amazing destination into my true self.
There is a link telling a different twist to the understanding of codependency and I find it helpful to know such things.
Link here = http://independentfew.wordpress.com/2014/10/13/codependency-definition/
Here is a great link with a test for you to access your own situation.
This started out with people who try to fix or otherwise help addicts in ways that dont actually lead to any recovery for the addict. Thus, they were as dependent on the addictive substance as the actual addict. It is a learned behavior and can be unlearned.
Codependency is different from interdependency. As a species, we are interdependent. We all depend on each other to care for and protect the neighborhood, our town, country, and this earth upon which we depend for life. Being codependent is when we give up our own lives, interests, and life for anothers benefit. Life does not work well when members ignore their own talents and skills because we were created with gifts meant to heal and protect not to be stifled.
I applaud you on starting your journey. You will learn as you go. Just work the program that seems best to you.
My husband was sticking by me through my physical disability, but he had his own issues and as he said, " No problem drinking at all." He kept away from the hard stuff and as much beer as he wanted and then some. I use to also drink, but quit as I got tired of the whole drinking scene.
Fast forward. My mother invited us to live in her home and pay half of bills + groceries. Which we do, but she holes up in her room and refuses to eat with us, and will only talk to me when she wants something. Strangely. Hears my husband perfectly, but never me. My speech is much better that 14 hrs ago however I try to speak quietly so I will not be emotional around her. I still have a dread of the feelings inside every time she comes in the room. What little barb is she going to zing about today?
A therapist I had been seeing past few years said I have PTSD from my family situations and codependency issues. Which I have been refuting as I always thought of my self as strongly independent and paying my own way for everything. I did not have a proper understanding of codependence.
I must have been totally insane to get myself in my current situation, but I am working on changing my thinking and not blaming or changing those around me. But doing my part for the household and letting the chips fall where they may.