I think everyone has ups and downs....unfortunately it's 'recovery' and not 'cure' :(

Sort of off-topic perhaps, but in my experience with dealing with smoking addiction, slip ups happen sometime. When it does I think it's important to remember that it's just a slip and doesn't mean that all of your progress made to date has been lost.

I know it can be easy to give up hope when bad patterns return, but try to think about how far you've already come. You are not the same person you were when you started recovery! You have so many more cognitive strategies available to you now than you did when you first started your recovery. Be easy on yourself *hugs*

Hey TeelaNa,

definitely normal. I am an expert ...I felt Strong and determined for weeks than i collapsed a couple of days ago. My posts show best!
I agree it must be part of the healing process. It helps me to write in this forum in any situation. Reading people's advise that care is great. I love this support system in here. You've been there for me as well and i know you will feel better soon. Try to just observe yourself and let ur pain happen. Maybe you will observe and see what helps you to feel better. hope you feel better

Well said, Rose Taylor -- "it's recovery and not cure."

TeelNa, I agree with the other responses -- ups and downs are definitely normal. Sometimes I find that the "downward slope" feeling that you and others have written about here sometimes has to do with mood, at least when I think about my own struggles. Sometimes when I feel down, I find it more difficult to manage destructive thinking/thought patterns, and then I feel like I'm more vulnerable to codependent behavior. When this happens, I try to remind myself (try being the operative word) that moods are temporary and that sad and/or bad moods don't last.

Richard Carlson wrote some wise things about the nature of moods in You Can Be Happy No Matter What. That's my go-to book if I feel down or feel like I'm slipping into negativity. He says to just let your mood be, rather than trying to fight it.

Not sure if this is the issue or you're struggling with something bigger, but maybe acknowledging that a few rough days won't un-do all the progress you've made so far will help.

You were the person that overcame all of life's challenges. Every time you got knocked down you got straight back up again. You refused to be at the bottom of life. You didn't just reach for the stars you became the stars. You shone your light so bright that everyone in your presence had no other option than to be happy and at peace with themselves.
You gave us all so much encouragement when we needed it the most. You inspired us all. You achieved everything in life you set out to achieve. You were always the person that could see the truth and what needed to be done. You taught us how to be happy.

And now you say you need encouragement??? What hope is there for us mortal men if the stars start to fade???
I will send you all the encouragement I have but I must warn you that I am merely a mirror. I can only reflect just a fraction of your purest light. I pray that when you see it you will remember how bright you can shine and that the stars will remain shining for the rest of the days.

Hi all,

I confess that I too see TeelaNa as a super star too, and she did not say what exactly was troubling her so I saw no way to reply until now.

The thing is that the farther along we go into recovery then the bigger and the more complicated our troubles become.

Some might see that as a reason not to recover but it is like a young child gets trouble because some one called them a nasty name, while an adult has troubles of a much more mature kind.

The healthier we become then the more challenging our lives become.

There is no point where we get so healthy that our troubles come to an end.

There is no peaceful utopia at the end of the rainbow.

It is harder to be on top of the mountain then to stay down at the lower levels, but the view is much better up there.

The reality is that the healthier we become then everyone around us shows up as less healthy, and eventually we stand all alone with no one to help us, because our life becomes our own and even our own complicated problems are our own.

I do not see this as negative - I see it as maturity.

Utopia is perfection but by our true nature we may find this difficult to achieve.
Even in the bible it states we were made in the image of God and yet we still managed to mess up! But then again trying to walk in the footsteps of a man who claimed to create the entire universe is a pretty hard act to follow, I mean I wouldn't want to be the guy who dates a gal after god! I would feel pretty inadequate to say the least!
Perhaps happiness would be a better option. Maybe we could just learn to be happy no matter how far up or down the mountain we are. Maybe one day we could stop chasing the rainbow and just be happy looking at it and all its beauty.
And as the rain parts and the sun climbs out from above the clouds, the birds will start to sing, the dew upon every herb will begin to shine like diamonds, we begin to lift our head to the sky and low and behold the rainbow appears, for a brief moment we may see happiness just before we remember just how inadequate we really are! Hopefully we will see the funny side to it by then! If there is a God I would like to think he is laughing with us and not at us!

Thanks everyone for your words. It was just what I needed. I didn't mean to be mysterious or anything. I'd changed my daily routine to accommodate studying for a licensing exam and had noticed I was going back to my "victim-thinking" pattern rather quickly. I think it was the stress of this exam that's coming up (in a couple months, but it's that big an exam) and the fact that my husband who is a Love Addict, Codependent and possibly has some form of a dissociative disorder (O_O - WHAAA--??) told me the other day he thought he was cured just by reading some books and that he didn't think he needed counseling any longer. I just need time to sort through that. I can't control him and won't, but how do we coexist when he's in such huge denial? It's his path, it's his choice, and I do understand that, I just don't know my response or roll then. We have an intimacy disorder, it looks like it'll be a lonely relationship with him, especially in the light of my decision to continue to grow/mature. But keeping faith in God means knowing it'll be okay, understanding that there are things I'm supposed to learn from him, and perhaps I'll find companionship in family members and (female) friendships. I don't know, just a bunch of stress dumped on my head and trying to not allow it to pull me back to an unhealthy thinking pattern. There were a few days where I just didn't know what to do to get back to a healthier thinking, thus the post above. I think it highlights the need I have to find healthy self-soothing and self-nurturing methods (like meditation).

Anyways, that's the current situation. Sorry for the mystery. ^_^ Thanks for being there for me when I really need it. I really appreciate everyone who participates in this group, even the silent readers that post from time to time. ^_^

Awww the rollercoaster of life!.......

My favorite dialogue from the movie Parenthood;

Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Gil: Oh?
Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
Gil: What a great story.
Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.

Stay on the roller coaster baby, its where all the action is!! Weeeeeee!

You just sound alive in my book, just continue to always take care of you and keep on riding!

XXOO

Friends,

On my journey towards recovery, I am also finding that I have to let my inner brat out, too. As codependents, we're so concerned with being nice. But what about the part of us that wants to throw a fit? Barbara Sher says, we ignore this part of us at our own peril. It's there, so best not to deny its existence or stuff it down.

With this in mind, I started reading her book Wishcraft. I bought a copy of the original 1979 version at a used bookstore. Chapter 5 has instructions for letting out your inner brat. You start out in your journal going totally bananas, and then you start to have some fun with it. I've been doing it this past week, and by the end of each journal entry, I'm laughing and having a ball. What's best, I see it as a way to practice a healthy form of detachment. It doesn't solve the immediate problem, but it's a mood lifter and prevents you from becoming embroiled or giving in. It's a way to keep your sanity intact if you're facing a problem or are in a low place. You don't deny what's happening, but you start to have some fun, and in this way, you maintain your power instead of being "blown about by every wind" to quote Melody Beattie.