Do you know if you have Codependents Anonymous (CODA) groups near you? You might want to look into that. That would be a good place to start to meet others who understand and possibly find a sponsor who could help with individual goal setting. One of the most important things to do is to learn how to set healthy boundaries, instead of letting people treat us so poorly.

Someone mentioned once they liked CNM
workbook to help them.

To me codependency is a huge issue and it takes
Tons of work to retrain and reparent yourself. Most
Addictions stem from codependency issues.

Some just go to therapy, life coach, read books,
watch Youtube videos. I personally needed a 12
step group to help me and therapy was a great
Help too.

Melodie Beattie stuff is just like alanon And CODA.

The big but is its not simple or easy to change
yourself and your thinking. I sat and listened and
went to meetings for 2 years before i stopped
being a Doormat. My Brain was working, listening,
learning, growing And changing. You hear others
share and they do Their disease in the same way.

Hopefully others will chime in, thats my take i go
To alanon thats a little different approach more like
Co addict. HUGS

hi, lisa here
thanks agent smith and mariandac for ur advice. The thing is i have a very busy tight schedule and im only free after 9 which by then i prefer being at home and doing my own research on computer in my own comfort. mariandac u mentioned cnm worksheets,i googled that and it showed up as melody beatties book so perhaps ill order that.
im married fortunatly to a very stable man and my realtionship is far from codependent on the contary i find myself acting as a narccissist to him. im so self centered, constantly wanting admiration from him and when it comes to intiamacy i turn into a stone.. truthfullly im a lot better than i used to be especially since ive read up about my codependant nature. when it comes to my boss and some family members i will distrups my daily routine just to please them, caretake and enable them. ive made my husband read about codependent which has been a help to our marriage since he understands where im coming from. its not that i like others better than him i just dont allow myself to set boundries with those i so crave to please.
i would love to build a healthy intiamate realationship with my husband and create boundries with those i crave to please and are unhealthy for me..
and them. so once again im asking for a small baby step i can start with a small goal i can work towards for the following week. any advise agaiin??

Lisa romano has tons of free youtube videos and
She has small stuff to buy on download and a
coaching program.

Also ross rosenberg has some free youtube videos
And sells his program.

I don't know anyone that did it that way, i love both
Of them on youtube. HUGS

I would advise journaling and getting in touch with your feelings what you like dislike you can then see patterns of codependent behaviour and what to work on I try to journal regularly helps deal with difficult emotions ...you may need support also through therapy or group meetings . It's not easy you will fall into old patterns like Miranda said it's a journey you have to be very paitent with yourself as a lot of these beliefs thoughts and behaviours we have been doing for a life time and have been formed since our childhood years which are difficult to break .

hi thank u so much both for ur reply, its nothing like support from people that know how you feel. i will check out those you tube clips mariandac thank u. salina i would like to journal, i can see there is an option journal on this website, what happens when i write there. is it shared?

i just checked it out again te journal theres an option of sharing, its unbelievable this site. So excited to see changes, great day to all codepndant strugglers

me again, i just dropped my son first time in preschool:) . there were few litle kids gathered around a toy and started whispering and snickering when my son was introduced. i started taking it personally, automatically my brain started racing with accusations for the school. I came home and called frends and said how crazy there isnt enough toys bla bla bla bla... now i realised it was my insercurity, They r only litttle kids and obviously if its ongoing i will complain but i dont have to be so reactive. I can, and will give it time for my sons sake, he doesnt have o get pulled into my insecuritys.. thanks everyone for reading,, HUGSS TO U ALL XX

Hi @lisapp, I think 'Boundaries' by Cloud & Townsend is a practical book for developing more healthy practices in your life.

My version of CNM also had some workbook style questions at the end of each chapter - I thought these helped me see what changes to make. If yours didn't have them, you may see if the library has a copy to borrow which does (that's where I got mine).

I got CNM on ipad not the way to go for
That type of book. I still haven't read much
Of it to be honest. Its seems really just like
alanon.

i love MB other book, language of letting go.
Its very gentle and feels good. HUGS

@lisapp I know what you mean about reacting it is so difficult for me because I'm really impulsive ... just today I was about to do the same when I was offended by a friend ' of mines (with narcissistic traits )behaviour . I've managed to calm myself down and I'm learning how to set boundaries instead of walls what codependents tend to do and act in a way that's in my best interests .

yes its about setting boundries not walls i like that! thank u all for ur advice.. im lookin forward for my journeyx

yogacat thanks for the book 'Boundaries' by Cloud & Townsend. i just checked that book and im very interested in that. he has one boundries in marriage and boundries with children. that looks interesting. i checked the inside of boook on amazon it has great stuff so that will be my next read. i find it a lot easier to read than to watch stuff for some reason..

I am new to this chat room and don't know how it works. Is any one can help me out here? thank you

Mina9, you should start your own post and ask
What you want to know, HUGS