i went back alanon meeting tonight. has been years since went to one. what did i learn - others have problems and listening to them was helpful for them and me. i was reminded about ONE DAY AT A TIME. and that i am where my higher power wants me now. that i am not in controll of others and can only take care of myself and need to take care of my self. that life is not to be just survived but to be an active part of it. one lady said that she has that as her new years resolution for many years as she realized that she was just about deadlines, getting this and that done, not just living her life and being in the moment. honestly am not sure where i need to be. AA or Alanon or maybe both. if there was not an alanon meeting going on i was going to go to the AA meeting. God lead me where i needed to be. i have ignored my spiritual side for so long. partly i realized tonight because i am afraid that if i change my life and make God the center of my life and it does not help i will be despondent and spiral down at a rate that i cant controll. so driving home i told myself just have the courage to try to change. another thing we talked about was - that we dont get immediate relief from a meeting or anything else. it is hard work to change your thought patterns after years of bad programming of the thoughs that we have. that was also helpful as i have been telling myself that i cant have instant relief from my pain just cause SO is gone and i cant get his stuff out of here at an instant and then be ok. trying to just go with the flow and take babysteps towards a better life and thinking and doing what is healthy for me and will bring me peace. peace and strife are always there and we cant wish away or drown our feeling in another. was dreading coming home to an empty house and wishing that someone was waiting there for me that i wanted to be around and they wanted to be around me. i did not have that before with SO. but it seemed better than nothing. God help me and friends here to not fall back into someone is better than no one. so wow i did benefit from this meeting and know that i need to let go and let God as i am in and have been in situations that are so difficult. hope this helps someone else that reads it also. i was skeptical about an Alanon meeting but it is based on the 12 steps and they are so great. the God of my understanding was a revengeful, scarey, authority figure that would cast you into hell and ridicule you for being such a disappointment to him as he did so much for me. got to change this stinkin thinkin