Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Hello everyone, I found this group yesterday from my therapist's recommendation of joining one or more support groups. I recently started quarantining from my partner due to COVID and have found it almost impossible to survive on my own. I am terrified every day and don't know how to transform that fear into something helpful. My partner told me yesterday that they need more independence and space, which was extremely hard to hear. I feel lonely and disconnected from them, so I want less space and can't wait to see them again. We talked about how I operate from my core belief of being unlovable and how it is harming them and sucking energy from them. I am so scared that my problems are going to ruin our relationship and I can't convince myself that they love me or want to stay with me. I know they love me but I can't internalize it.
I am realizing that I base my happiness and try to get everything I need from them. This is impacting their wellbeing and I can't keep doing it. I also know that recovery takes time and I am so scared that I won't be okay enough and that they will leave me. I am trying so hard but I don't know if it is enough.
We communicate well, but I am so scared of conflict that I usually don't bring up things that aren't working for me or that scare me. I want to be able to be vulnerable and honest all of the time and not seek validation from them.
I want to learn how to love myself and stop relying on them for everything.
You’re on the right idea with learning to love yourself.
I’ll check in soon but in the meantime I suggest googling Thich Nhat Hahn, he is an amazing person who has helped me through fear. Watch a few of his videos and see how he can show you how to balance your emotions. He’s a Buddhist monk. Hang in there:) The fact that you are looking at this is a huge step toward health.
"I am valuable and have worth as a human being. I am my own best friend. I love myself first and foremost."
Now you may say these are not true now but they will be if you work the program every day. But by saying these statements over and over, your brain will take them in and they will become truth. Every time you say to yourself "I need X to love me" you are telling your brain to keep digging into that hole of self doubt and codependency. We have to practice and practice new ways of being. We have to change our self talk and it isn't one time, but over months.
Becoming a person who loves themselves and values themselves actually brings love to us.
Being a person who is needy, desperate, and has to have validation from others drives people away or only attaches us to narcissists, sociopaths, damaged people. They see our damage and find that damage as valuable to their needs or getting their needs met. You deserve better.
I like what urban gardener said about reinforcing positive thoughts. I have been working on this by taking really good care of myself. Walking and exercise. Healthy diet with plenty of water. Reading more. Over time what seems like subtle things becomes a new way of life. That’s why loving yourself means that you are patient with yourself.