Good for you for recognizing this person was not good for you...part of dealing with any addiction..including codependency, as it is "love addiction", is dealing with the discomfort of not having that "someone". I can say this because I have still not found the strength to be alone and am now back with my ex. A week after signing the lease, and I am already seeing it was a mistake. Wish I had taken the steps necessary to focus on "me" and making myself whole. Like you I don't have a lot of friends and not close to my family pretty much for the same reason you aren't with yours. I'm in the process of detaching from the person I am with, and trying to figure out what the next step is. I can't continue to make these bad decisions...its too hard on me and my two teens who are still at home. They and I deserve better than this.

I know that what helps me is doing things that I love, focusing on me for my happiness. I am just starting to do these positive things and at the same time I am scared as well. I know that when I start focusing on me more, I will no longer be what my partner desires as he is a narcissist. Our relationship has worked because of my codependency to him. As I get well, I know this will end and I will be alone again. It is during this phase that he has always gotten me back...I don't want to do this anymore.

I don't want my ex again, I am just afraid I will settle for someone that is not good for me, just to have someone.

Codependency is about fear. Fear of the unknown; fear of being alone; fear of not being happy. But in the end we aren't happy now, so choosing to do something different is always better than doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. It can be scary being on your own; but there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. I was never more lonely than when I was in my marriage. There is nothing worse than having a person you're supposed to be able to reach out to for comfort that just isn't available for that. If you go it alone, you learn to rely on yourself, and that is so empowering. Knowing that you are responsible for your own happiness changes the focus of your life - off of others and on to yourself.

You are so right. I feel more lonely now than I did when I was by myself.

At least if you're unattached you have the freedom to seek out others to add to your life; you don't have that option really if you're married (not including friends in that group, mostly significant others or dates or people of the opposite sex). Being single means absolute freedom to do or be whoever or whatever you want.

That is true, I don't feel as bad as I did when I was dating my ex-girlfreind.

good comments. I have been without my ex for a year now and still sometimes want to run back to him. but I don't get lonely and stressed being alone. but when I talk to him I know that I don't want to get back into that mess. I have many times went back into a relationship and felt that dread that it was a mistake. that is worse than being alone.

I can so relate to that Sassy. I was tempted many times to go back, but the thought of completely losing myself forever kept me away, and I'm so glad it did. I could feel my whole self slipping away, day by day. I know that if I went back I would be lost forever. I'm enjoying my single life now and would never want to go back to what I had.

I am struggling with going back to my ex also....I deleted his number completely and wholly and I feel like damn I shouldnt have done that because I "need" him...but truth is hes a druggie loser so why am I feeling like I want to cry now?

If you keep doing the work, you won't just settle for just anyone. This is a time for you to learn about yourself and putting your needs first. We codependents are so used to putting other people's needs before our own because we don't feel good about ourselves. We'd rather concentrate on other people's problems because the prospect of looking at ourselves is not worthwhile. If you haven't already done so, pick up Codependent No More and/or go to CODA meetings. Seek out therapy and do the things you love. If you have a passion for something, go do it. It will give you that natural 'high' that codependents seek from others. This is the beginning of your journey. It will be difficult but it will all be worth it in the end.