Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I wrote a post before this and then deleted it because it was all over the place and I have a clearer idea of what’s going on.
First of all, I got sick and got a job interview rejection which put me in a downward spiral of depression, and it for the nth time in my life brought up the feeling of “I’ve gotten nowhere in my life”, which really means, “I’m not happy where I am.”
it doesn’t help when I see other people getting on with their lives, having relationships where their SO does things for them or having families and my mom loves to tell me that so-and-so has bought a house or got a car or had a kid. Those aren’t necessarily things I want, but they are things she wants for me and the way she brings it up just makes me feel like a failure.
I’m feeling extremely bitter and resentful right now, and I realize I spent most of my life doing stuff for other people, especially my family, and getting nothing in return. I’ve dropped friends because I’m so tired of giving. I wish I could drop my family but they have done a lot for me. None of it is stuff that brought me joy but they kept me alive. I’m just afraid of the guilt I will feel if my parents die and I didn’t do my part.
Anyways, I feel hallowed out and sad, and bitter as mentioned before. My partner is an extremely negative person and my family can’t give me support because they’re a mess themselves and I’m terrified of asking for support anyways because I feel like I’ll owe people and be in debt and I hate being in debt.
So I’m trying to be there for myself and do stuff I like and self-care but it’s lonely and sad.
Anyone else feel like they gave too much and now are empty and now can’t give anymore, not even (or especially to) themselves? Anyone else struggle with extreme bitterness and resentment? I know we do this to ourselves and it’s up to us to change and not wait for others to do it for us, but where to start?
We are codependents after all. Many of us
are Alike and we are not really that much
different. Many Of us come From like homes.
Have you read Any of melodie beattie books?
Or darlene lancer? There Is a whole host of
stuff to learn. Lisa a romano has tons of Free
youtube videos. Ross rosenberg has Some
good Free ones too.
I found Therapy helped Me a great deal, more
for validation and support as you go thru your
recovery. I found Groups do help Us getting
Honest, humble and fixing ourselves on a
Much deeper Level. Its not easy to let go of
our fear and to trust.
In alanon i learned how to fix myself And I got
better, saner, stronger and healthier. I was long
detached From my family just not my now XH.
He was the Hardest one for me then came my
Issues with my Mother.
I come from alcoholism, dysfunction, abuse,
Codependency and narcissism So does my
ex. We Met and It felt right and we married.
We find people on the same level Of dysfunction
As we are At and we feel comfortable around.
What was your upbringing like? Many of us
Don’t know we are enough and that we matter.
That was not how we were brought up. A mistake
Is okay To make as long as you learn something
From it and we Are all human and make mistakes.
You need to love that about yourself and others
And Our humanness.
It takes time and effort to learn to love and respect
Yourself with all your warts. Recovery is not Once
and done. Its a journey with a lot of grief, Pain and
hurt. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, hugs
My family history is different in that they weren’t addicts but they were refugees. Before I was born my parent watch 4 of her 6 kids die in concentration camps. The remaining two are my older siblings who suffer from mental illness. I was born afterwards and spent most of my life feeling guilty that I got a good life when my dead siblings didn’t and wanting to save people and take away suffering.
I’m almost forty so I managed to outgrow that fantasy and the guilt thing is better but I still feel trapped that I owe people things and I think in terms of debts. Every time I make a mistake I feel like I owe that person ten times to pay it back.
I just feel like I wasted so much of my life and I don’t know how to untrap myself.
But i’ll Look into those books and YouTube videos you mention. Thank-you.
Here are some youtube counsellors that I have found helpful.
one is Jerry Wise
and the other is
Dr. Ramani and also
John Bradshow
Check those out and let me know what you think ok?
When pleasing you is killing me by Les Carter is a good book and I think you can get it for about 10 dollars in paperback.
Yes, I have given of myself to a fault and am totally depleted and bitter. I'm trying to understand why I do this and break free of this destructive pattern of living.
Take some time for yourself today. Schedule an hour or an half and hour or something to say ok at 2pm I am going to take a bath or make myself a nice cup of hot tea and watch a video or something. Take some deep breaths. I'm right were you are. Hang in there.
Recovery is one day to a time and easy does
It. Awareness and coming out of denial is the
First step. Then Its what to do about it and how
To change our spots, learn, change and grow.
Dysfunction causes the same issues. I also
go To ACA adult children of alcoholics and/or
dysfunction.
We all have stories of our beginnings and
Many Had dysfunctional parents doing the
best They could with what they knew and
Tools they Had at the time.
I agree on no longer beating yourself up
That needs to stop. We are imperfect Beings
and We need to heal. Its a process and Its not
an Easy one, Hugs
But I hope you'll find the strength to deal with the toxic people in your life, and remember it's okay to put you first. If they're causing you a lot of grief and stress, you're allowed to step away and put up boundaries. Lots of light and love and hugs to you.