Codependency Support Group
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I am wondering what other people experience is with leaning on friends and trusting people.
As part of recognizing my owns needs, and trying to let go - I have tried to start letting people in - in particular, my best girlfriend. I have started to talk to her more about problems I am having, usually with my family. She is a very independent individual and has very good self-care skills. She is non-judgemental and gives good advice. But after I talk to her about something going on, I often find myself spinning into a place of guilt - I begin to think I lean on her too much, or bring too much negativity to our friendship. She does not have emotional turmoil often, but if she does I am there for her.
As appose to congratulating myself for my progress on recognizing my needs and letting people in, I am hard on myself and begin thinking I am needy and not a good friend etc. I realize on my behave some of this comes from a place of fear and uncertainty because this is new terrain for me. I have never really had a friend I felt I could lean on like this. In the past I have talked with friends I have things going on with, but I have never had someone I could cry in front of. I know she would do anything for me, and it is not like I am calling her at three am or anything (although I know in some cases this is acceptable behaviour within a friendship).
The past 8 weeks have been hard for me with family stuff, so I have leaned on her 4 or 5 times with great emotional distress. Prior to this it was probably about once every 5 or 6 weeks.
As part of recognizing my owns needs, and trying to let go - I have tried to start letting people in - in particular, my best girlfriend. I have started to talk to her more about problems I am having, usually with my family. She is a very independent individual and has very good self-care skills. She is non-judgemental and gives good advice. But after I talk to her about something going on, I often find myself spinning into a place of guilt - I begin to think I lean on her too much, or bring too much negativity to our friendship. She does not have emotional turmoil often, but if she does I am there for her.
As appose to congratulating myself for my progress on recognizing my needs and letting people in, I am hard on myself and begin thinking I am needy and not a good friend etc. I realize on my behave some of this comes from a place of fear and uncertainty because this is new terrain for me. I have never really had a friend I felt I could lean on like this. In the past I have talked with friends I have things going on with, but I have never had someone I could cry in front of. I know she would do anything for me, and it is not like I am calling her at three am or anything (although I know in some cases this is acceptable behaviour within a friendship).
The past 8 weeks have been hard for me with family stuff, so I have leaned on her 4 or 5 times with great emotional distress. Prior to this it was probably about once every 5 or 6 weeks.
FYI: I'm Croatian English is my second language so sorry for any mistakes ;-)
I am still learning to let others just be without trying to "fix" them or wait on them somehow. It is much easier to slip into doing things instead of feeling things.
I find that I have to stop my obsessing over how I messed up by trusting, and that they are going to wander away or that I am somehow bad for just being normal. It takes time to adjust these maladaptive ways of living.