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last straw/code to me

sassybabe11
sassybabe11
yes it is a very big problem to be code. a good book is -boundaries and relationships. it really outlines overly rigid and overly loose boundaires. to me many ot the issues that are posted here dont apply to my daily conflicts and what i mean by this is that i have no problem with saying no if i dont want to do something, i dont feel bad if i tell someone that i cant do what they want me to do. but this is the clincher- i stay in bad relationships to long and until i am harmed emotionally and in the past phyically. and then i see the situation as it is and then slide back into denial and try to re-create a situation to be like i want it to be. i become very resentful and angry and depressed. i develop a hatred towards the person because i cant move on. i hate conflict and will fight my inner knowing and try to balance everything so i can stay in the relationship. the problem is the healthy part of me is pushed down and that inner child starts screaming at me to get out of the situation. someone asked me the other day about my messed up realtionship "what would you tell your daughter to do"? last night i came home to find pot in my garage in broad sight and a few nights a ago i thought that i smelled it the garage. so the house is in my name only and so anything on it illegal i would be responsible for. he has told me that no pot is on the property then added it is in my car. really your car is on my property. so i told him to get out of here that i was really done with this relationship and that i would call the police if i have to -to get that shit off of my property. so he says i am staying here tonight cause i have nowhere to go and buy me out and i wont take less than 15,000. well i have a counceling appointment and a lawyer appointment scheduled for this week. it is time to end the insanity and move on. suggestions and comments appreciated. anyone else have experience with this type of thing. and feel like you were put into a situation that would cause you legal troubles
SkaiRain
SkaiRain
POT? really? thats your big problem? what state are you in... check the law on that... many have changed,,..... Seems all you need to do is an eviction ...... and you can state reason for illegal use of a controlled substance...... But unless he has LBS and over 100 plants the Feds dont get involved..... its a state level thing........
hbgdaystar
hbgdaystar
My ex did cocaine at my place and when i found out i asked him to leave... he did leave.. if he wouldnt have i would have called cops. My ex broke into my house later and i have tresspassing charges on him... i also filed for pfa ( protection from abuse ) .... he filed 2 civil cases against me which started with car now its turning to abuse of him and his child.... i am not worried abt that at all ..i am sure my attorney will handle them.. i dont want to scare u but legal issues will take long. If u cant afford there are alternatives. U can contact local womens shelter and they can guide u. I had also put my query on legalzoom.com and lawyers approached me free on call and they also provided certain ideas and how much it would cost me etc..

Although i am tied up with ex-bf someway with these cases at the end of the day i am glad he is not in my life.

Mine is a Narcissist and con artist so he is using technology and legal system to torture me... which i am not letting get to me ...
Like i said i have my attorney so his job.
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
not sure what you mean skairain? it is a problem that i am concerned that i would get into a problem with as this house is in my name and i am a health care provider. he has always told me that he would not ever have it on this property but he has over the last few months as i have sadly found out. he is liar and probably has always had it here as he lied and said he would not. said he respected my profession ad would never but me in a situation that i would get in trouble. i am not a prude i have smoked on and off for years but alittle is different that selling it out of my house. are u saying that i should go to the police and have him evicted cause i know that he has had it in my house? not sure that it would not come back on me but i do have an appointment sceduled with a lawyer about something else this week and am going to mention it to him and see what his advice is. he said well if you call the police i will call your boss and tell them that you have smoked it. then said no lets just stop here we are neither one going to take this that far. i feel like i am losing it worried about everything and depressed and scared for my lively hood. i had him out of here a year ago for 5 months and then our dog got sick and i asked him to help me and he has just stayed ( i have let him). when i told him to leave he said yes guess i will just sleep on the streets. this is messed up
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
cant make a permanent decision about anything and stay with it.afraid that if i take a loan out and give him the money that he has invested that i will be in financial distress and then he will spend the money and we will end up back to together and then the cycle of resentment and hatred toward him will all start over. this is a pattern i have had my entire life as all the the women in my family have done. to prevent this i would need to sell the house and move away and it just makes me sick to thing of all of these changes.
hbgdaystar
hbgdaystar
Our own fears stop us from our own advancement.... so what he complains abt u to ur boss? Mine has tried .... it proved nothing ....
If u talk to a lawyer he will say the same..

You need to decide if u want to continue dancing his dance or change your moves... it will be tough but trust me its all worth it... your addict is just stretching ur boundaries by doing pot in ur house and may be sell... dont be in a victim mode... u can get out of it... it will only get worse if continue being an addict to a drug addict ... this is comming from my personal experience...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just take this all one step at a time. You don't have to make all these decisions at once. Ask him to leave and mean it. He obviously has some friends since he hangs out at bars and gets pot from somewhere. His sleeping arrangements are not your problem. You worry about him, but does he worry about you? No. So stop worrying about him. He'll find a place to live. You are enabling him by letting him stay with you. Your debt to him about the dog has been paid. Now let him go.

You don't have to decide anything about the house right now. You may feel better after he leaves. Why should he be entitled to a buyout if it's in your name and you're not married? I don't think he is.

Talk to your lawyer first before doing anything about reporting this to your boss. I would think thought that it might be a good preemptive thing to give your boss a heads up that your significant other has drug addiction issues and you've asked him to leave, so now he's retaliating. I would think your employer would be more inclined to believe you (the person they know) more than your boyfriend.

Again, one step at a time. Don't get ahead of yourself or you will be overwhelmed and will fall back into old patterns.

I'm pulling for you!
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
thanks cherly. he did put 10,000 into the house i feel it is ok to give this to him but will talk with lawyer tomorrow. you are so kind to respond to my postings i am really having a difficult time. i am so confused tonight and depressed that again i have a failed relationship and again so torn. i need to keep in perspective what reality is about him. its not like he is offereing to change things or go to counceling with me he is i feel torturing me by staying and demanding money to get out. i told him i am going to have him evicdicted and that he must find a place to stay on a wee. so scared that i will cave and fall apart and not be able to work or have some peace. he turns stuff around and makes me feel responsbile for him and guilty that we are not a loving couple and all that he has done for me. actually i have helped him alot over the years after his loss of his home due to him not making payments and let him move in with me and he did pay off my car and a credit card like 6 years ago and seems that he thinks that i owe him forever. i feel used and like he sees a gold mind in me and does not want to let go of that. i made good money and am responsbile and have always paid my bills and worked. he has just not planned for the future and is an alcoholic with all the resentment and narcistic thoughts. this is going to be hard for me especially the next few weeks and to not fall into denial and why could i not fix this thoughts. but praying for the strength to take care of me and get out of this crap. to have this home as mine and not dread coming home to the awful way i feel around him. guess i forgot again the thinking of an addict and how far they will go to be taken care of even at the cost of loss of sanity and self esteem of the partner they are with
deleted_user
deleted_user
You are learning the same lesson I had to learn - you can't reason with an alcoholic. It's SO FRUSTRATING!!!! Believe me, I get it. But once you're away from it for a while, you'll begin to see how messed up it really was, and wonder why you stayed so long. I know for me I stayed because of the kids and money, and it was a well-founded fear because he's really trying to put the screws to me know. But I do believe in the end he will pay more than he would have had it been amicable, but that's his problem. I'm not feelilng sorry for him anymore. He hasn't changed at all, and doesn't see the need to because he can blame it all on me. But it is truly not my problem anymore, and I have detached, and it is such a good feeling. Keep moving forward. I have faith in you that you'll see it through this time. I sense something more resolute about you. You can do it.
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
thanks so much for the comments.