I had a post on my journal where I literally felt my skin crawling and I couldn't settle down....it passes after some time.....but god that was the WORST feeling. It was what I imagined restless leg syndrome felt like but in my entire body and being.....so annoying!

Just know it is your mind that is making this come up....the little hamster in the wheel is what I like to call it. So you are avoiding your thoughts (hence drinking and co-dependency....nice shiny objects to keep us distracted).....its like those dark corners start creeping up, so staying distracted feels like the 'go to' because that is our habit....but you may need to just sit down and see what comes up.....it will be totally uncomfortable but it is so worth it! If you have others living with you, do it when you have some space/alone....and you might have a gnarly cry or scream or wanna pull your hair out or something....but it is really good to get it out of you!!

Hang in there.....eventually it will simmer down, but you gotta tackle it head on to really work on these addictions......(I am 10 years no drinking....had many upon many upon many revelations that were super duper gnarly).

Take care of you, take deep breaths (I always hold my breath without knowing) and let it come on out :)

CoDa, Frist of all, Congrats on 10yrs sober! Wonderful! I love the way your write your replies. So well written! It's always nice to know that you're not alone in this. I will definately work on relaxing and calming my mind. I haven't gone through the cyring, angry side this time. A few times when I've broken up with the BF I have done that. Are you talking about feeling these feelings due to the break up or more about the inner self and self worth? Does that even make any sense...lol.

Another question is I have not attended a Coda meeting yet. There are many in my area. Why am I so hesitant and I feel very anxious about it? I keep telling myself, "just go" but I can't seem to get there. Maybe I need a bit more time? Does or did anyone else find it hard to go to that first meeting?

PS: 1 week today......no boyfriend contact and still feeling good...most of the time!

Thanks!

Thanks! And congrats on 5 years, so awesome, clarity is so good! The first year is always so blissful in quitting alcohol, then all the crud creeps up that you have to work through....but the rewards and gifts are so good I can't give it up!

I have found with regards to your feelings coming up and what it is about, is it is beyond having to do with anyone else....I always find these feelings/issues/etc. all have to do with deep seeded memories/hurts/pains/childhood trama's/adulthood trama's/etc. that we never really dealt with, were stored, became our mantra's/dialogue which got us into all the pickles in the first place and usually if you have alcoholism/drug abuse that is exactly what was being avoided. I mean there may have been another person who caused the trama's and hurts, but it is our job to do something within ourselves to resolve it and not let it eat us up or destroy us.

So as far as meetings, I am no judge or jury on that one. I, myself, am not in any 12 step program formally, but utilize the principles towards my sobriety and co-dependence. I don't go to AA, and haven't had a real calling to go to a Alanon or Co-dependent meeting. I guess I truly like the feeling of being anonymous so going to a meeting to me, eliminates that factor (cause someone is looking at you while you talk HAHAHAH I dunno, but honestly I have had no desire to go).....plus I have a deeply rooted spiritual practice, so that always helps :)

But you do what feels right for you, that is the name of the game with co-dependency, starting to learn what you like/dislike, listening to your own voice about your life, and learning about your boundaries/needs/etc. So as long as you are honoring that.....you will nip it in the bud!!

Good job on the no contact, with continued success of doing that, you are going to disentangle yourself and feel SOOOOOO GOOD! A+ Job!! Keep it up!!

Take care of you!! xxoo

Yeah, it was hard for me to go to my first support group meeting. Then it's been hard integrating. For me it was about not knowing what to expect, trusting people and being okay with whatever they chose to share. That last one was something I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle because of my impaired boundaries. Would I cry or feel too much or too strongly? In the end I had to find a strong enough reason to make myself go and cling to it every block on my journey to the meeting. Now I'm so glad I did. It's still hard to trust people, but I have a few people that I feel I can call and it's really okay. And I've felt safest with these people than I have felt with anyone else in my life. I'm learning a lot, so it was definitely worth going for me. Especially with all the messages of hope, it's what keeps me going through my worst times.

Peace.

Thanks CoDa and TeelNa! Funny how I thought everyone goes to the meetings if they are provided where they live. At this time I don't feel ready for that. The everybody looking at you and talking is a bit much for me yet. I think I will go in time but not yet. I am struggling a bit today as I have him on my mind. Don't know why but need to go do something to stop the mind from thinking. I think I will go for a walk or a swim tonight. Get some of that extra energy out of my system. Again thanks for the advice. You both are great at giving it.
"Hugs"