Melodie Beattie has a great book
To read “codependency no more”.
Darlene Lancer has some great
books and articles.

Welcome to the group you can
Read back on this forum and see
Many great links to look at and
Replies to read.

There is no easy answer to your
Questions. Many of us come from
Like homes now as an adult we
Need help to change and Grow.

I was on my knees when i Showed
up at alanon that was Seven years
ago, There i am more like a coaddict
And enabler its still the same thing as
A codependent. We don't find these
People by mistake. HUGS

Hi Anna:

The first thing about this group and about codependency is that we do a lot of reading and self help because we each have got to learn how to trust our self and trust our own judgements first and foremost, because we each have to heal our self.

My favorite online text is this one = Explaining Codependency = Link here = https://independentfew.wordpress.com/2014/10/13/codependency-definition/

For myself I found the Melodie Beattie books and Darlene Lancer books to be far too complicated for my limited view of things, and I need simple explanations and simple ways of treatment.

I first heard about Codependency around 1992 from my youngest sister who went for treatment at the Meadows treatment Facility just north of Phoenix Arizona, and it had a way of treatment which was far different from the 12 Steps so that is what I use ever since.

In my view treating codependency has become super fun and empowering because after learning about my own feelings and emotions and healing my own traumas, then I started to see the same things in other people and then that makes everything to become more clear and understandable.

Just ask any questions here and we will try to give our own views, but in the end you and we all must do our own homework before any of it can really work.

Welcome here to this group.

James

I have joined this group for a class assignment, but I think it is going to be beneficial to me personally as well. I am a highly codependent person and have discovered this more and more over the last few years. While I am working toward being more interdependant, I struggle daily with finding my identity in being needed and loved by others. That is the best way I can explain codependency, is that we tend to not know who we are without being needed or loved by those around us. So when others feelings get hurt or they are disappointed in us, we are low on ourselves and feel no value because we can't be perfect. It is a choice to make daily to be in control of our own thoughts, feelings and actions and to let others be in control of their own as well while also remembering that we are not identified by our actions or by what others think of us.

Codependency in a nutshell is a relationship where there is a giver (the codependent) and the taker (partner/parent/friend/coworkers/family member who is typically an addict, needy, mental problems, personality disorder, abusive, etc).

The problem with giving with codependents is that we often rely on that giving to define our self worth and draw self esteem from it. Which ends up making us give more, sacrificing our needs, wants, well being, and putting all that aside to care for that other person.

It becomes unbalanced. We become drained, resentful, and taken advantage of. We stay because of hope, guilty, and shame.

Often times we end up doing things for people that if we asked ourselves, would they do this for me? More often than answer would be NO.

Just ask questions! Everyone is really friendly and supportive on here!