Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
This is my first post and first time truest expressing this to other codependents, so I apologize if I jump around a bit. Becoming self aware about my codependency and what codependency is has been a shocking revelation. I’m sure a lot of you may have been perceived as strong and independent individuals, I know I have, and I have also seen myself that way for a very long time. I always associated codependent people as needy or clingy, where I have viewed myself as strong, independent, and a leader, who is capable of putting the needs of others before mine because I am “so resilient and stable.” I, like many others, had a chaotic and traumatic childhood, which I won’t go into too much detail about. I have consistently been involved in unhealthy friendships rather than relationships, with narcissistic individuals, which always leave me feeling confused because I have for so long convinced myself that I am impenetrable, that every time it happened I was shocked to realize how blinded I was. Yet the pattern has been consistent time and tim again.
I am a behavioral sciences major in university hoping to become a therapist, and an avid reader of psychology and behavioral literature, and some how have never been able to figure myself out. I have a passion for helping others and deeply empathizing, which is why I’ve chosen this career path. I’ve always been confused an unable to identify my own emotions and I felt it necessary to begin therapy to decompartmentalize and become self aware to my own behavioral patterns, which I still deeply repressed as my own mine convincing me that I had more problems than I actually did. My therapist has now made me aware that my childhood trauma has resulted in my codependent personality, and this awareness alone has helped me understand some things about myself which I have been confused about for a long time. I have always truly felt different but have had no idea why. What skills have helped you guys cope with realizing you are codependent? Has anyone made a full recovery?
I do not believe its curable, its life long and you need to stay mindful And to keep working and focusing on ourselves.
I am an alanoner myself. I am the caregiver type. Many are and there are also fixers and/or controllers.
I am glad you are working on your issues. I know one SW/therapist that had not and she is not emotionally healthy in so many ways.
Ross Rosenberg and Lisa a romano both thought they were all cured until they found another
narc. They had to really look inward. Its a deep issue And the journey is long and hard.
Codependents can attract narcs, addicts and emotionally unavailable people. Hugs
alcoholism and some narcissism thru out the family.
She had gone to alanon during her divorce and it was not
for her. That was the End of that conversation.
My ex and i come from the same stuff, we met and married.
Like minded people seem to find each other, HUGS
I am burnt out in dealing with needy people. I need to love and take care of myself first. Hugs
Salina, when I was in training, an instructor made, for me, a powerful statement. "You don't have to have all your s... together, but you need to know what it looks like so that you can sweep it into the corner when you meet with clients. Always be ready to refer a client if their s... is yours. " You'll know when you are ready to move forward.
Diamond, I think awareness really fits. We move from caretakers and fixers into helpers. Helper is a healthy place, but so easy to step back over the line. Serenity Prayer has always been a go to for me.
ITIKM, it is a journey. We acquire tools to fill our toolboxes as we move through the steps.
Loving hugs to all.
Clarity. The more deep recovery work
I do the more is revealed. Its just very
Slow going. Baby steps forward and
Trying to stay on my own side of the
street And in my own hula hoop.
I deal with the elderly and they are a
Very needy population. I keep telling
Myself i need a new job for me to get
Out of that role of being a caretaker,
HUGS
When I first got into recovery my counsellor said to me what if you stopped with the chores what will happen , I said my family will pick it up themselves and that’s exactly what happened .
Then once I got the career path figured out, i got sucked into yet another relationship where it became all about them, moved out a yet ago, started going to CoDA groups... Found one out of the 4 in my area that fit for me so I still go 3 times a month. Also just started another Melody Beattie book called TheNew Codependency (from 2009, but she's been writing on codependency since the 80's) and she starts off right where I needed... Boundaries. See, I ATTRACT the needy clingy codependent types. So boundaries are key for me. And much of what we know about relationships has been buried in our brains since before we could talk. So learning new patterns, and new rules for what's okay, and even healthy, in a family/relationship can take time. And practice.
So while I know people who are now great at boundaries, or self care, they may still be working on self esteem, or speaking their truth. Or maybe they have a lot of it down, and have a new relationship with healthy patterns and it has been established this way for a long time now, but something happens at work and all the old codependent patterns come back up and they now have to practice not being a doormat with their new bully-boss. Or they found out their kid is an addict and they want to do anything and everything to help (the caretaker/fixer re-emerges in other relationship settings). It encompasses alot ( codependency does) so I don't know anyone who has perfected it all, in all relational areas of their life. But we work on the pieces that are most relevant to us in any moment, and remain aware that these things can change and surface as life circumstances change.