Hi Pamjit......I feel for your turmoil between family and your heart. The one thing you really have to ask yourself, is what is right for YOU. Not your family, friends or anyone else but you. You also have to address the question is this the man that is truly for you? Because if he is the right one, there would be no questioning from yourself because of others. You would stand strong in your convictions, and not be depressed. Also you are right, if you are using any kind of substance be it pot, food, alcohol et al. as coping skills to remember or forget, you are masking what you are really feeling. These answers you are searching for do not come from the thinking part of yourself. It comes from your heart and soul. Which part are you listening to? I am going to suggesst a book for you to read called The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz, Perhaps it can give you some insight, and help you through these questions you have. To be true to yourself, and your feelings is empowering yourself. I hope this helps you in some way, and finds you some peace. Best wishes and hugs to you. wmay

Hi, Pam. My only thought is: Talk with some OTHER interracial couples! Find out how THEY deal with family prejudice, etc. That would provide some positive input. There's got to be a link on this site...

BTW, I know an Indian woman in my complex who's with a Jewish guy. Interracial relationships are not at all uncommon where I live, in South Florida, USA, the big melting pot. We've got every conceivable race down here, so...close proximity dictates people of all races will get together. Her family is very supportive.

Hi PAMJIT. (((Hugs to you!))) I too am co-dependent with low self-esteem and pot is my nemesis. I've been pot-free since 2005 except for one quarter-oz. bag and one joint. In a way it feels good to be clean of the stuff, but it's a fight all the way. One of the best things I ever did for myself was get into a 12-step program, the reasons being that I discovered lots of people with worse problems than my own and that the program has lots to offer for ways to get yourself out of your rut. I'm glad you realize that the pot is not working because it never will, believe me.

You spoke of your brother's text message but you didn't say how his opinion makes you feel. The problem with co-dependency is that it's very hard to get honest with yourself because your moods, attitudes, and feelings are always dependent on how significant others in your life act and treat you. Especially if they don't have a co-dependency issue, they don't understand how what they say or do affects you. So I would bet that you are so torn between trying to keep the loving balance in your relationships that you have a very hard time figuring out what you really want.

PAMJIT, the fight with co-dependency and addiction is very rough. If you cannot start making some progress soon on your own I would strongly encourage you to get help - either a 12-step program or a therapist. The one-on-one with a therapist is nice although expensive but still hard work. However if the therapist you select is a substance abuse counselor or was a substance abuser him or her self, then they will be strongly pushing 12-step on you.

Finally, believe it or not, pot can be addictive especially if you already have a co-dependent nature. And you can have that co-dependent nature even if you've never had an addiction yourself or even if no one in your immediate family had either.

I myself found my best support in Alcoholics Anonymous even though pot was my addiction. I started with Narcotics Anonymous but found the people in those groups to be quite rough, including lots of hardcore drug users who would take advantage of naive people like me in a heartbeat - I was just a little old pothead. But depending on where you live there are also a very few Marijuana Anonymous groups - you can look them up on the internet.

Also, if you feel most of your problems have come from the way you were raised, then you might look into groups like Al-Anon (dependents and/or spouses of alcoholics) or CoDependents Anonymous (a group dedicated to developing healthy relationships). Again, you can look these up on the internet to find info on groups near you and more on what the groups are about.

I hope this long-winded message has not overwhelmed you. I know what it's like to be in the mindframe you are in. Also, keep in mind if you're in the USA that it's winter and the weather can have a lot to do with your moods as well.

Write me if you want to chat any more on what I've said.

Best wishes,
Pearl

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