Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I have never posted like this before, but I think I'm ready for help if anyone has any advice to give.
Seven years ago, I met my best friend. We did everything together. School activities, classes, etc. No one else mattered to me but her. Somewhere deep down I always knew that I loved her, but I wouldn't admit it because I was afraid of what other people would think (I am from a very conservative area). More importantly what she would think. I continually pushed her away, but looked for affirmation at the same time. It was a bipolar cycle. I wanted to get away because I knew she didn't love me, but I begged for her to show me that she did so that I would have something to hang onto. I bent over backwards for her. I bought her gifts, waited for her texts all night, and always wondered what she was up to and whether or not she felt the way I did, but wouldn't say it out loud. It tore me up inside. I could hardly stand myself. The constant lies I told myself to try and change my mind.
Last year, I finally got the courage to tell her how I felt. She blew it off and told me she didn't think she could love anyone. A few months later I came to find out she was interested in someone else. My life stopped. I started having panic attacks, drinking, and hurting myself more frequently. She disappeared from my life in what felt like an instant. The person I trusted most in life just left me behind for someone else (that she barely knew). Things got worse and I attempted a few times. How can you pull yourself together when the person that you love and cherish the most doesn't care if you live or die? It was like a seven year relationship meant nothing. She hasn't talked to me in 7 of the longest months of my life. How do you forget the one person you engrained in your brain to be everything? How do you get over being just another face to the one you love?
As a result I have lost my other friends. They didn't want to take sides, but in doing so left me behind anyway. Granted I totally wacked out. I was constantly drunk and upset. I wouldn't have wanted to deal with me either, but isn't that what friends are for? So I pushed them away. I thought for good reason. Was I too harsh?
Now I am alone. I just miss my friends. Especially my best friend, but there isn't any going back now. What's done is done. So how do I move forward? I have been seeing a councelor for months, but that can't erase the past or the pain. How can you forget someone who your brain refuses to forget?
KcCable
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
What you are describing is violating a boundary, because she said no or she made it known that she does not want it, so that is the boundary line and that needs to be the end of it.
You hurting your self and panic attacks and drinking are huge red flags of obsession and of danger to your self and danger to her.
That is what rapist and abusers do - they do not accept no as the answer and so they violate the boundary lines.
You might view it as your love for her - but it is a negative selfish kind of love which is not healthy for anyone.
It truly seems like time to switch to a new Counselors too, and seek out a professional counseling that handles severe trauma - and tell them the cold hard truth as you did here.
Welcome to this group.
Over time, I learned that I needed to love myself. I began talking to myself and talking to God also. God was actually talking back to me in any way He could get to me. It would be in the form of another person telling me something I needed to hear or it would be in a book or a video that had words which I also needed to hear. The two most powerful words in the english language are "I am" with an affirmation behind it like "I am magnificent" for example. Think of all the qualities you have and use each one every day.
"The best way to get rid of old memories is to replace them with new ones!
When you love yourself, you become like a magnet and others will want to get to know you. It's called the law of attraction.. Here is a video that will help you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQIBIW6eT8I&t=0s&list=WL&index=33
God Bless
There is alanon, coda, acoa "adult child" Hugs and welcome
Kc