Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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Just admitted I had an issue.

PaulBunyan
PaulBunyan

Just a few days ago I came to a stark realization that I am very codependent.  It took my pregnant girlfriend to not want to be in a relationship with me, and the blessing that I looked at a self help book and read exactly what I was going through.  Im in my late 30's and realize that I have been this way most of my life.  I feel incredible that I was able to admit it and own that this what I was going through.  I bought the book, have been going to therapy (for anxiety), and recently started taking medicaiton due to anxiety.  Im very confident in saying that it probably all came from my codependence.  


I also had gotten out of a 5 year relationship, which I now realize was toxic and diplayed now obvious signs of verbal abuse.  But, I have been able to recognize that and just recently started to address it.  


Any words of wisdom or advice is appreciated.  Feels good to vent and feel good about this finally.  

urbangardener
urbangardener
You've made some good first steps. You've done some reading and are going to therapy. You are examining your own issues and working towards self improvement and moving forward. It will get better if you keep working your "program" or not sliding backwards. I find my natural instinct is to go into codependence sometimes because I want to be liked and valued. I can now recognize my own stinking thinking and stop myself. I use mantras and say to myself things like love myself first and don't look for validation from others, find it within myself. My big issue is feeling shame when others reject me or don't choose me and this is something only I can fix. Shame stems from how my parents parented and shame as a driver has been bad bad for me. I can now say no much easier - I said yes for 50+ years when I meant no. Be your own best friend and remember that when you start telling yourself negative things about yourself. I believe all of us are here on this world to improve ourselves and I try gratitude that I am able to fix or change myself rather than beating myself up over not being perfect.
PaulBunyan
PaulBunyan
Thank you for the reply. I usually overthink a lot too, so that complicates things as well. But I have been working on that, more like distracting myself. Usually sing a song in my head to help me NOT focus on what is bothering me, and come back to it and try to rationalize my thoughts. I am very excited to start this journey to getting better, better late than never!
SirGrits
SirGrits
Hey Paul, I can't really add anymore significant advice to your situation. Seems to me like you're making the right choices for the right reasons. Stick with your therapy and the habits you build. I guess the only possible thing I could add is to consider making yourself available to help people in similar situations as you. It's so comforting knowing that you're not alone in something and your story is so inspiring that it is worth sharing. When you're ready, feel free to own it.
God speed bro.
PaulBunyan
PaulBunyan
SirGrits,
I think part of the reason I started here was to do that as well. Try and be there for others who may need someone, or anyone. Its nice to have the support I have had and hope I can return some of it as well!