Now I'm new to this group and just learning.

It sounds like a question that can cause confusion and a feeling of unlovableness in a teen. He doesn't trust her?

So, I think you were being protective, but you probably should have talked to your AH first, and told him his remarks upset you??

PS
I'm not sure if it is co-dependency, and I am curious to know the answer as well.

No one behavior is codependant...codependant is a pattern of behavior.
That being said ,there is alot unsaid here . Is he normally harsh?,Is she normally trustworthy?, do you normally comfort when you should be firmer?
Normally if we are second guessing our own actions then it probably did contribute a little to a pattern of codependancy.
I often second guess myself,then second guess my second guessing.
try not to struggle with right or wrong and just try to have a concrete answer for yourself as to how you would like to handle it next time.

Co-dependency would of been if you took your AH's side and didn't stand up for your daughter, if she was right. Or, if you didn't have a conversation with him about it later, and avoided the confrontation.

I don't apologize/justify other peoples behavior. They need to do that for themselves. He needs to be the person making the apology if he was mistaken. Maybe, they need work on trusting each other more in their relationship? Co-dependency isn't about him or your daughter. It's about your reactions. It always comes back to
"As a CODA, what was my reaction?"

I don't know what an AH is. I think you are saying either second husband or a significant other. Either way, I want to know why he is in charge of these decisions. If you are the maternal mother, You should be first in line in making all decisions about her. He should be defering to you. If you are not there, it falls on him, until you are available to make the decision. Why is he given this control? Co-dependency is giving him the control over your daughter. By his actions he is saying he has the control. I think, as the maternal mom, you are # 1 in all matters concerning her.

Hi! I am new also. My parents are both alcoholics and this scene brought back so many memories of my Dad treating my church activities with a cruel attitude and my mom then getting angry at my dad. My dad would then tell me it was my fault my parents got in a fight. My advice from experience is to never complain to your daughter about your husband (my parents both made me their therapists/marriage counselors) but help her validate her feelings about situations like this--she has a right to be upset if your husband was in the wrong. Hope this isn't too much like I'm telling you what to do. I'm so glad you are looking out for your daughter!!!

That book will help you a lot with your situation. Keep Reading.

ALA-Non find a group near you. Sorry I'm not good with acronyms.......

www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

I won't even get into my war stories of childhood with Alcoholic role models. I can't even call them parents.

It isn't really a question of being right or wrong. Part of codependency is judging harshly. And part of codependency is feeling you alone know what is best for everyone. And part of codependency is feeling most people are incompetent to take care of themselves. And part of codependency is rescuing people from the consequences of their actions.

Try a CodA meeting, the stories you hear there might help you make sense of the relationships in your life.