Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
As an ACOA, I grew up believing that I NEEDED to do things to get approval and friendships heck even love. I have always tried to live my life in a 12 Step way but at times I get lost in it all.
For the last two maybe three years I was a mod at an ACOA forum. I made, what I thought were good friends there. I say thought because the old messages in my mind told me that they would be better friends if I could do more for them.
All I did though was talk with them on the forum pages and in private and our friendships grew.
This past 72 hours I saw how much it has grown. The board kind of imploded this weekend, long story short I knew what the outcome would be and as a friend and a mod I couldnt stand by and watch people get hurt.
I left a farewell thread and deleted my account. By doing that I set myself up for attacks from the owner of the board and at first I wrote my close friends and told them to please not believe everything that was written.
One by one they started writing me back about being my friend and they felt what was being said wasnt true because they took the time to get to know me.
I looked in on the board as a visitor and the thread was growing and more replies kept flowing in. Showing support for me and yes some love for me.
And the more that I got support the angrier the owner got. And attacked me even more. I so much wanted to rejoin just to stand up for myself but you know what my friends did. They were making points I wanted to say or ask. It was amazing three threads right in a row all pointed out what I wanted to say and my observations now as an outsider.
Right then I saw my Higher Power working through my friends. Friends that I got by just being me nothing more and nothing less. I am lucky to have them as friends and proud to call them my friends.
There are six of us here from that board and I am so happy that I was asked to join them on the move. I just wanted to share this with you for me it was a very moving experience.
Im 64 and weigh 220 pounds and these friends today had me balling like a baby I am truly a lucky man and I thank my HP for just letting me be me.
Thanks for listening
Dave
For the last two maybe three years I was a mod at an ACOA forum. I made, what I thought were good friends there. I say thought because the old messages in my mind told me that they would be better friends if I could do more for them.
All I did though was talk with them on the forum pages and in private and our friendships grew.
This past 72 hours I saw how much it has grown. The board kind of imploded this weekend, long story short I knew what the outcome would be and as a friend and a mod I couldnt stand by and watch people get hurt.
I left a farewell thread and deleted my account. By doing that I set myself up for attacks from the owner of the board and at first I wrote my close friends and told them to please not believe everything that was written.
One by one they started writing me back about being my friend and they felt what was being said wasnt true because they took the time to get to know me.
I looked in on the board as a visitor and the thread was growing and more replies kept flowing in. Showing support for me and yes some love for me.
And the more that I got support the angrier the owner got. And attacked me even more. I so much wanted to rejoin just to stand up for myself but you know what my friends did. They were making points I wanted to say or ask. It was amazing three threads right in a row all pointed out what I wanted to say and my observations now as an outsider.
Right then I saw my Higher Power working through my friends. Friends that I got by just being me nothing more and nothing less. I am lucky to have them as friends and proud to call them my friends.
There are six of us here from that board and I am so happy that I was asked to join them on the move. I just wanted to share this with you for me it was a very moving experience.
Im 64 and weigh 220 pounds and these friends today had me balling like a baby I am truly a lucky man and I thank my HP for just letting me be me.
Thanks for listening
Dave
I believe---do what is right and right will come 2 U--I am glad U R receiving your good now
rosie
When someone new shows up here and doesn't know where to start, I always recommend a 12 step program of some sort (CODA, ACOA, Al-anon), even though I've found that such programs are not a fit with me. A 12 step program provides structure in recovery, and that seems to be very helpful for many, many people. It's hard to argue with success. I'm pleased that you can model of that success here, Dave, and that you decided to land here.
I'm sure that leaving the other forum wasn't an easy decision for you to make. I've been doing this online stuff for longer than I'd care to admit, and I've experienced how difficult it can be when your online 'home' no longer fits for you. Saying goodbye is never easy.
Again, welcome, and I wish you continued healing in our drama-free zone!
I am a firm believer in the 12 Steps. I was first introduced to them through AA (16 years sober) and about one year in sobriety a therapist said to me that since the 12 Steps worked so go with alcohol why not apply it to my addiction to my ex-wife.
That was amazing and that was when I found out how much of a codependent I am.
Anyway, "drama free zone" gosh that sounds wonderful. Actually, just being me without the worries of me a mod is very relaxing in itself.
I don't think I agree with the "drama free zone" interpretation though. There is quiet a lot of drama in these relationships that are discussed. The drama triangle is certainly at work too.
Generally people here are very respectful. I would say of everyone who religiously posts, I would be the most disrespectful to others. I own that, but am not proud of it. I think my truthfulness and honesty sometimes get me in hot water, although my intentions are to help.
I have veiwed other sites on DS, and have been amazed at the meaness and anger displayed. Lots of negative energy and pain.
I also was in another group that I recently left. Not because anyone hurt my feelings, I just did not think the forum was beneficial to me as it kept triggering my past relationships.
My grandfather (dad's dad) was a drunk. I have spent my entire life dealing with a ACOA. Dad has transfered his grief and sorrow onto me by discussing his own sadness all my life. I am so empathetic to the poor poor pitiful me routine, that I become a doormat for pathologicals. Part of me wants to tell him to stop doing it and why. Part of me wants to be the loving parent he never had. Its a conundrum.
Maybe you guys can shed some light on this for me. Maybe your presence here is more than a coincidence.
I am a very spiritual person and believe that nothing happens by coincidence... our time at the former board was done and it was time to find a new home... we were guided here to continue our journey... and for me... I look forward to learning from a whole new set of teachers and maybe along the way, I too, will be able to share something that can help another...
Dave
Everyone - and I mean, everyone in this community - is respectful and supportive of each other in this forum, and that in itself is somewhat unique (as you note) even on other forums on the Daily Strength site.
We've been blessed. :)
This is from the language of letting go and the author concludes with this meditation:
'Today I will trust that the events in my life are not random.My experiences are not a mistake. The Universe,my Higher Powere and life are not picking on me. I am going through what I need to go through to learn something valuable, something that will prepare me for the joy and love I am seeking"
i know for sure that something wonderful is going to manifest out of that meltdown- something bigger/stronger/more powerful and life enriching and encompassing for everyone concerned and most importantly you.
I look forward to sharing in our journeys together here and really appreciate the warm welcome that is being extended to all newcomers.