Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Hi All,
I've been in this relationship for over 6 years. It's never really worked out for me and wanted to break up but somehow I haven't been able to get to the point. So I googled why I'm not able to do it and I foud out that I'm codependent. I've been working on myself for ages. Doing affirmations, discovering and understanding and leeting go of my past, learning communication technics, meditation, new hobbies, etc. Things have been changing and I am now able to speak up for myself.
What helped me a lot is not only to discover my codependency but also that my girlfriend is a narcissist. I've been reading about narcissism a lot and all the books and articles say that narcissists never change. Or very rarely. What is your experience? Is it true?
In fact, even if she changed I don't think I would still want this relationship. But I still feel too weak and unable to break up. The truth is that this is my first long relationship and I've never dumped enyone before. I could really use some advice, please!
What I'm currently focusing on is doing what makes me happy, eg. hobbies and meditation to get rid of guilt and anxiety. And I try to have an "if you don't like it it's not my problem" attitude. I just need to constantly remind myself to focus on myself, not my girlfriend.
It is such a relief to shear this with you all! Thanks for your advice.
I've been in this relationship for over 6 years. It's never really worked out for me and wanted to break up but somehow I haven't been able to get to the point. So I googled why I'm not able to do it and I foud out that I'm codependent. I've been working on myself for ages. Doing affirmations, discovering and understanding and leeting go of my past, learning communication technics, meditation, new hobbies, etc. Things have been changing and I am now able to speak up for myself.
What helped me a lot is not only to discover my codependency but also that my girlfriend is a narcissist. I've been reading about narcissism a lot and all the books and articles say that narcissists never change. Or very rarely. What is your experience? Is it true?
In fact, even if she changed I don't think I would still want this relationship. But I still feel too weak and unable to break up. The truth is that this is my first long relationship and I've never dumped enyone before. I could really use some advice, please!
What I'm currently focusing on is doing what makes me happy, eg. hobbies and meditation to get rid of guilt and anxiety. And I try to have an "if you don't like it it's not my problem" attitude. I just need to constantly remind myself to focus on myself, not my girlfriend.
It is such a relief to shear this with you all! Thanks for your advice.
I had a relationship with someone who was narcissistic. It was super-intense, 30% of the time a dream and 70% of the time a nightmare.
I can't say that it's true that narcissists "never" change. I say with more confidence, however, that you will probably find it difficult to break your codependent patterns with her around. It will be hard for you to focus on yourself if someone is always around telling you to focus on her -- think of it as trying to solve a difficult math problem while someone is shouting random numbers in your ear.
If being with her makes you happy, then stay with her. If you feel like you would be happier without her though, then what are you waiting for? Do you think it will be easier for you to break up with her in six more years?
I've read that typically narcissists tend to "mellow with age" i.e. they learn to change their behaviour somewhat, but ask yourself how much longer you want to wait? I was married (very long ago) to a narcissist/sociopath (not my diagnosis - my psychologist's). I left after less than 2 years and raised my son by myself. I sometimes tell people I'm very happily divorced. Yes I get lonely at times but it still beats having to put up with the nonsense I had to put up with! And I have a tremendous circle of friends.
Indeed, it's very difficult to focus on myself with her around. But what also helps me a lot is to to keep on mind that how bad she is to me. The fake blame she makes up and puts on me, her selfish 'ME' attitude. When she is showing her better side I tend to forget about all the bad things. To get rid of this typical codependent 'hope' I must constantly remind myself how much she doesn't care about me. She only cares about her things, but when she's not happy with something that's my fault.
Unhappy is still unhappy.
:(
xxx
Not very fast though, but I'm making progress.