Hi This is a codependency group. Melaody Beattie, an author on the subject describes codependency this way:
Beattie defined a "codependent" as someone "who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior. We believe that we'd be happy if the other person would just change." In this group people that are a codependent or are affected by somone who is a codependent disuss their experiences, lives, and goals and ask for advice/support.

Thank you for that. So, I guess Im a codependent because the man I live with is an alcoholic and a drug user and Im hoping he will change. Im hoping he will stop and become the nice man I know he can be. The man I fell in love with. Im hurting and I hate this. I wish I were stronger. I wish....a lot of things!

Diemis I think you are in the right place for your situation. I thought I could change the ways of a pathological lying, cheating player. My ex was who he was and I needed to learn to accept things as they were. The most painful lesson for me to learn was that is was not my place to change anyone and in trying to do so I became a victim of my own dysfunction which matched being victim of lies.

Thank you for that. I now know Im in the right place. I need to get some much needed sleep and will be back tomorrow with many, many questions and such.

so very true Coral...i too became a victim of my own dysfunction and im still trying to get away from that. Diemjs, I'm learning to, its a work in progress but everyday i seeem to feel a little better. When I realized I had a problem myself, it was a big WHOA!

Diemis, welcome to the group. We're all glad that you have found your way here. Books by Melody Beattie are the perfect place to start, and with your situation, I would suggest that you find an Al-Anon (like AA, but for those involved with alcoholics). There is also Codependents Anynomous (CoDA) for those who are just plain codependent like myself. I hope that you are able to find the answers that you are looking for. We've all been where you are right now.

I think as long as we stay open to learning about our behaviors and avoid looking for a quick fix we are on our road to health and healing, one day at a time. Recovery is slow for me but I do see myself responding in different ways, and I need to recognize that progress.