I also need to add that he was in a motorcycle accident years earlier before we met. For the longest time I blamed everything on the fact that he couldn't remember to make plans with me or show me affection. I've asked him to write things down, but he claims he can't remember to. A therapist we saw told him to write things down that are important to me that we discussed the day before so he can follow up and see how I'm doing with things and show that he is listening. He does have a full time job at a factory manufacturing truck bodies. He always gets to work on time and does his job efficiently including blueprints. I've also thought maybe some of this could be P.T.S.D. from the military. Once again, tonight, he failed to show affection after we discussed it last night. In the past I had asked him what I was doing wrong and he stated that it wasn't me. Tonight, he said it was my attitude about asking about it all the time. I've also tried the other approach of not asking, but to no avail.. He said he is afraid to show me affection because I'm upset with him. We hadn't been intimate for four months and when I asked him what was going on, he said he was having some E.D. issues, but months later when we were finally intimate no problems there. He intimately avoided me for months knowing that I wanted to be with him. I am so hurt! "

2 years of basically ignoring you? Yeah I would say you are still in it because of your codependancy. He's not that into you, but is getting some need met by being in a relationship. But it isnt working for you, you know it, yet you stay. Have you ever tried a CoDA group? I hope this doesnt sound harsh but this relationship is going nowhere healthy for you. Take care of yourself 1st.

Unfortunately, We don't have CoDa groups in the city I live in. Do you think AA can be used for Codependency?

No matter what the reasons, excusable or not, you are not married to the man, so you are not bound to "for better or worse" and this sounds like "worse" to me.

I'd leave him, but nicely.

AA follows the same 12 step program, but how comfortable would you be saying Im not an alcoholic but Im here to learn the recovery steps for my own problem? If that doesnt sound uncomfortable I'd try it. Be prepared to not be accepted - its a group for recovering alcoholics. But if you can bond with some people there, its still an addiction, and you would probably get something out of it if you can do the translation - they discuss alcoholic responses and you assimilate and convert those to CoD type situations. Other than that there are some fantastic resources (website groups, books, self help execise guides) that you can do on your own. If you can afford, even consider looking for a CoD counselor for a few sessions. It sound like you need some validation of where you stand or what you need to do, so anything is better than doing nothing

Also, some twelve step support groups hold online meetings. I would suggest considering emailing 12 support group internet coordinators in cities closest to you and ask them if they have any phone or online meetings you could attend.

Try looking for Al- Anon. That is for relatives and friends of addicts. That is where the term CO-dependent came from. They are learning how to stop being so dependent on others and learn to live for themselves and let others live their own lives. They can help you figure out some things.

Just throwing this out there, but do you suspect he could be cheating on you?

I am just thinking the combination of this sounds eerily familiar to someone who is cheating. Maybe you guys are too enmeshed and that is why you both stay (Living together, paying bills, reliant on the dual incomes, etc.)? I don't know why but this kept coming up as i read your story.....

Plus, while I hate to say it, he may just not be that into you as stuckinarut said.....you are gorgeous girl, and there are plenty of men who will be more than happy to faun all over you and give you the affection you crave and deserve....

No one can tell you when you are done, except for yourself....but you might want to really take a hard look at this situation for what it is and think about, if you are willing to have this same problem/dialogue for 15 years.....because if it is happening now, it will be in 15 years. Trust it from a girl who was in a 14 year relationship that the problems I had from the start were EXACTLY the same.....so annoying! I wasted sooooooo much time!

I don't know if you would get much out of AA but anything is worth a shot! Alanon is way more common of a meeting too, so check it out....the internet seems boundless when it comes to self help stuff!!

Good luck and remember you are worth everything in the world, so don't settle for less!! xxoo