Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Hi people,
Please help me with some advice.
I've recently managed to get out of a dysfunctional relationship after many years and I'm less anxious now but I still have a lot to work on. Sometimes I miss her but then I realize what I actually need is a hug and just a bit a of love. I realize that this is what kept me in that relationship.
The other week I received an award at my work place because I do a terribly good job. Only a few people get this award every year. And I have never ever felt so happy in my life. Even now if I think of it I feel like I could cry. I feel so loved, so appreciated and valued. Seriously, I don't remember feeling anything like this before, ever! And I also feel like I love them.
What I realized afterwards was shocking. During the next couple of days I was so calm and happy. Nearly nothing could piss me off, even my usual terrible road rage was almost completely gone, my anxiety decreased. Many people in my life who I thought loved me have just used me for their own selfish reasons. I've never felt so loved! I felt as if everyone was standing around me, stroking me, hugging me and saying: We love you! It is a relief.
Is this the kind of love that all the self help books talk about saying this love needs to come from within? Should I be able to provide this love and appreciation for myself? Would that be what those books call self love? How do I do that? I want it! I need it!
If any of you know, please tell me. How do I maintain this feeling myself? How do I love myself?
I've read loads of self help books, including a few from Louise Hay, so I know the self talk, and taking care of myself, etc. But I want to feel this feeling every day, all the time!
I'm now quite sure that the lack of this love is what kept me in a bad relationship, keeps me anxious all the time, maintains my addictions.
I hope I'm not asking something impossible.
Thank you. Love to you, all.
Please help me with some advice.
I've recently managed to get out of a dysfunctional relationship after many years and I'm less anxious now but I still have a lot to work on. Sometimes I miss her but then I realize what I actually need is a hug and just a bit a of love. I realize that this is what kept me in that relationship.
The other week I received an award at my work place because I do a terribly good job. Only a few people get this award every year. And I have never ever felt so happy in my life. Even now if I think of it I feel like I could cry. I feel so loved, so appreciated and valued. Seriously, I don't remember feeling anything like this before, ever! And I also feel like I love them.
What I realized afterwards was shocking. During the next couple of days I was so calm and happy. Nearly nothing could piss me off, even my usual terrible road rage was almost completely gone, my anxiety decreased. Many people in my life who I thought loved me have just used me for their own selfish reasons. I've never felt so loved! I felt as if everyone was standing around me, stroking me, hugging me and saying: We love you! It is a relief.
Is this the kind of love that all the self help books talk about saying this love needs to come from within? Should I be able to provide this love and appreciation for myself? Would that be what those books call self love? How do I do that? I want it! I need it!
If any of you know, please tell me. How do I maintain this feeling myself? How do I love myself?
I've read loads of self help books, including a few from Louise Hay, so I know the self talk, and taking care of myself, etc. But I want to feel this feeling every day, all the time!
I'm now quite sure that the lack of this love is what kept me in a bad relationship, keeps me anxious all the time, maintains my addictions.
I hope I'm not asking something impossible.
Thank you. Love to you, all.
I say it all works off of our sincerity - as in being extremely true to our self.
As like you did your job well and other people noticed that, and you accept the award as an honor because it is true and earned - thereby sincere.
I say that same dynamic functions in everything because the very best kind of love is when people see our sincere efforts and react to it.
Do it in our work yes, but do it in your faith or religion too, do your best in times of trouble, and be sincere in times of joy.
Just as driving our car - we need to be polite and courteous even to the road-warriors, and in time the other people will react accordingly.
We reap what we sow.
You did it! You gave two significant hints that you can take care of yourself and you know what is good for you:
1. YOU have left a toxic relationship
2. You said YOU do a terribly good job.
1. :
Leaving a relationship that is unhealthy is not easy to accomplish but you did it. You were awake enough to understand that you had to change something that doesnt help you but holds you back. This was an act of self love
2.:
You said that you know how good you perform at work.
The award is nice and it forms a confirmation but still i find it more important that you actually noticed and crediting yourself.
My conclusion is you felt the love of others because you learned to love yourself.
However, there might be days that might not be this fortunate and happy all together. There are moments when there is noone to tell us how good we are. It is important to be there for ourselves especially in those times. The key is to accept our sadness or anxiety if we feel it and welcome it as a part of ours. As soon as we fight it, it increases. Those feelings have a purpose as well and they are just as rewarding you will learn if you let them.
much
I have found that treating myself as if I am my own best friend works well. I acknowledge what my own needs are and I put my own needs first. If someone else has needs which seem to clash with my own, where possible I try and compromise but I don't ignore or devalue my own needs. I think fulfilling our own needs is one important step in self-love.
Also, you can just look at your thoughts and feel appreciation for the things that you do well and just say to yourself. On a daily basis, just notice things you like about yourself and reflect on them.