Yes , I face this at times. Sometimes it wears me down and I agree or change my no to a yes. This drives me nuts when I do this. I find that, some people don't know the meaning of no and when you persist then the argument or fight is on which makes it really hard to say no. Sometimes if I feel things will escalate I end up having to distance myself for a bit, like leaving. Other times I say no once, if the other person insists on arguing I then don't say anything but I don't do what they wanted but that can often lead to more stress. Don't know if this helps but I sure hear you.

I was hearing to John Bradshaw Inner child healing series - Homecoming. He is great speaker.

He says kids when they dont want to do something they are so adamant to say NO and we our inner child needs to be that child to stick to NO. Yes i am on it but it brings in the frustrations within me that i need to work on. Anyways will be seeing therapist today she can enlighten me a little on that.

Not really.
So I used to do everything for my kids. Bail them out of their little pots of hot water.
here's an example where I helped but set boundaries ...

My son had a car that was parked at his gf apartment (he could not drive it) in the city where I live. so he left it there too long and the building mgr had it towed. the tow company called him and said he owed $400. he called me asking if I could loan him the money and have it towed to my house. So I said NO. That took him back. I said that I was not going to loan him the money and wait forever to get it back. That he got into this mess and he needed to take care of it. So his gf said she would loan him the money. Then he asked if I would pay with my visa and he would give me the $ right away and also could it be towed to my house. I said yes, but he had to pay me right away. He agreed. He said "thanks mom so much for helping me out". So I did and he paid me. Then the car was at my house. So I called him and asked him to move the car within the next 2 weeks. Within 4 days he came with a friend and got the car.

so I was able to help out with boundaries and he also fulfilled his comittment to me. It felt great.

I dealt with this a lot when I first got into recovery from codependency. I changed a lot in my life and got a lot of flack from others (my friends even told me to get a new therapist!). The good thing is, the people who are meant to be in your life will stay in it, regardless of whether they get upset when you say no or you change in a way that is not according to their plan. It may take awhile (one of my very good friends and I had a rift for a good year or so until she herself went to therapy), but it'll get there.

As for saying no, I know, it's hard with some people. Here's the thing: explaining that "no" doesn't require an explanation is really giving an explanation for you no. Right? :) So, just say no and perhaps something positive, like, "I have faith you can handle this on your own" (or find someone to help you handle this). Maybe that will help? Otherwise, like arbe said, sometimes you just need to walk away.

Good luck!

It's hard when you learn how to do this 'NO' because you want to. You feel stong and a good sense of self...and those around you, especially those who just can't even begin to comprehend how you can say NO after all this time, they will push back. Well, NO is NO...That's that...take it or leave it. You owe them NO explanation at all. Be strong in your assertivness...Keep at it...:) Good job

Thx all..

2boyzmom appreciate your motivaton.

Spoke to my therapist and here is what she said - I need to be Assertive and be aware of my body language too while saying NO.
Being a codependent i have PPD ( people pleasing Disease) therefore when saying NO just be assertive and say NO thanks or NO Not required Thanks and walk away. She also mentioned that lot of people think when a woman says NO gently it means The other person can still negotiate it to YES.