Hi frethel,

Would it be helpful to make a list (when not feeling the compulsion to text him) of all the reasons why you're glad he's not in your life? Maybe also add the things you want to achieve and know you can only achieve with him not in your life? You could save it somewhere (maybe in your wallet and not on your phone? Or in your wallet and your phone?) and look at it when you feel the compulsion? Just an idea, if this doesn't sound like a good idea for you, hopefully someone else can suggest something better. Good luck and way to be strong - 10 days is awesome!

The need to interact with other humans is essential to humans. We codependents tend to attract those who enjoy being cared for so entirely that it fills our own desperate need to find ourselves thru another rather than be who we were meant to be.
Journaling when this urge comes might help you. Or perhaps taking a walk or some grief work.

DO you do any meetings like CODA or ACoA? A sponsor might be helpful to talk to when this urge comes along.

I usually try to text someone else when the urge comes along. Sometimes I journal about it. I don't think I want to make a list of all the reasons I am thankful it did not work out. For me, I think that would be just another form of dwelling on him when I need to work on me. That's just me though and how my mind works. It might work for someone else. :) Thanks for the support!

I understand your feeling completely. I know you said you didn't want to journal or make the list but I did this last night when I had my urge to text and found myself writing about things that I was worried about also. It really helpful me focus on the things I need to do to make me happy.

I don't want to text him, but I'm missing him very much tonight. I hate it.

1 day at time Sweet Jesus ( have you heard the song. I like it.
1 day at time. you can do it. right now u might have temporary case of ocd'ing. Don't give in. Don't self abuse. don't let him win. you deserve a real man. just because a male has a penis doesn't make him a man.
I assume that you had a boy with a dick who is skilled abuser.
Abuser get mate to self abuse. That is part of form of control of abused.
I personal would work out at YMCA and take up walking ( I don't jog ) I would go to store every morning to get scratch off lottery ticket and news paper n cup of coffee. go to library rent some movies ( no charge ). go to church ( that uses King James Bible. that is the real actual truth. My God is above all god's. ya saten will say that his church is the real thing and that he is holloy. Know they master.
anywhoo
Check e mail after you retrun from store with coffee.
Play a mind exercise board game. there are mind exercise games on internet.
Visit a friend on reg bases . like same day of week, every week at same time. Fill hours up with things that you want to do Things that are healthy and benifitual. It will take effort and time to fill up day, to have full schedule. after you obtain a busy full schedule you can start weeding and planting things in your daily life.

PS if needed get a No Contact court order. that will keep you away from him That will keep you from calling tex n/r e mailing him.
If he calls... do not accept Don't read nor listen to anything from him are from his family n his friends.

One Day at time Sweet Jesus, amen that is my throughs.

You will be fine The future is ahead not behind.

Oh, I love Admiral's advice! If you are like me, I isolate and obsess when I should be doing the things that help that he (ors she?) mentioned. Do you swim? I used to all the time and am finally getting back into it. It is like a form of meditation. Yes, be around people even if you don't feel like calling a friend. Go to A coffee shop, library, museum....

It is just to get over that obsessing stage, and I found that this site has helped SO much just in the last few days--(it's been three since I broke things off....and of course apologized for my part in it...a good Coda)

No one is going to fill that hole in us except us. We DO deserve a healthy relationship, and someone who can show love and respect for who we are-- with support to each other (and I also get outside help) we can do this!! Sometimes it might be a minutes at a time....

Try saying "Just for today (or this morning, afternoon...) I will not contact him and will do something for myself today--ONE things.

I sued to say this about not drinking many years ago...it really helped me. I am saying the same thing today for me to not contact my old boyfriend :)

Hi all. Thanks for all the responses and support. I'm doing fairly well these days. I still haven't texted him. I'm not worried about him contacting me. He's moved on. The whole reason he dumped me is because he found someone he wanted to get serious with. I've posted in my journal what happened between us from beginning to end if any of you want to know the dirty details. It wasn't a healthy situation for me. I can should all over myself about being thankful for being out of it now, but the rejection still hurts sometimes. Rejection hurts, period. No matter who you are. I know I'm going to make it through this. I'm actually making it through this break up better than I have any other, even with feeling such a strong connection/attraction to this man. I've been going to my therapist and doing the exercises she recommends. I'm reconnecting with myself and my self-esteem much faster than ever before after a break up, but I'm in a different place in my life with this break up than compared to any other. All the other times I was already struggling with knowing who I am and what I want and loving myself BEFORE the relationship even started. This time I had a much better idea of who I was and liked what was going on in my life before I started seeing this man. Starting and having this relationship didn't change my daily routine too much. It just changed my thoughts. I fantasized about having a real relationship with him. That's what I've had such a hard time having to let go of - the fantasy of maybe someday him being able to love me and wanting to spend real time with me. It's hard to accept that I lost what little I had from him to begin with and to accept that the fantasy that was starting to feel too real is never going to happen with him. I'm trying to remind myself that letting go of the fantasy and what little I was getting from him means that I will be opening myself up to the possibility of a having a REAL, meaningful, beautiful, loving, relationship with someone that has more of the qualities I'm looking for and fewer of the ones I'm not.

I can say I do miss texting him, but I'm not really tempted to anymore. I just can't face the possibility of getting a message that rejects me, or getting ignored, or the awful(albeit remote) possibility that he wants to start something up again. I don't know that I'm strong enough yet to say no if that were to happen. So it's just best for me to not attempt any contact and hope that I don't see him around town.

I don't think about him as much (obsessing less), and I'm able to focus on other tasks and interests. I AM getting a little better every day. Thanks again for the support.

Admiral, your suggestion about a court order is great, but I don't know if it can happen- getting one against yourself so you don't contact him? That's making the law impose your rules for yourself. I think the OTHER person would have to initiate it. And she can't get one on him unless she'd contact him to say "don't contact me" which is really convoluted.

Also, I have to say that this is NOT the place to say that your King James Bible is the only truth. That is offensive to other faiths. I am Muslim and I have my opinions about your Bible vs the Qur'an, but this is NOT the place for me to share it. It's a violation of DS. It's fine to say that your personal faith helps you through, but please don't put down other religions.

That said, prayer/meditation (however you do it) can really help. Just think of texting him a cutting. Ask God or sent the intention that you no longer desire it. Believe it. Will or pray away the desire to want it.

Hugs.