I did this really powerful exercise I stumbled across in my reading and I thought someone else out there might find it helpful for them too. You just make a list of the beliefs you've held or been taught (usually unconsciously) about how lovable you are or when you are deserving of love. I would like to share what I came up with, which you can use as an example if you wish.

Im Only Lovable if:
If I can help someone/am helpful/am useful
If I dont make mistakes
If I am strong enough to forgive and forget
If I can speak clearly enough and logic out my needs and explain them accurately to the other person (have good language skills)
If I dont have needs or wants
If I dont ask questions or ask for help
If I hold up my end of the bargain
If I dont commit sin, If I am good
If I get a good degree and get a good job
If I get good grades
If I am quiet and an obedient daughter
If I dont cry, or make my parents feel bad
If I am strong
If I dont make a mess
If I stay out of the way and dont get into trouble
If I am smart or say something clever/insightful
If I can make someone laugh (even if its through my own pain)
If I play sports/am physically active
If I am around and do things with the family
If I dont betray family (respect and uphold the closed system)
If I dont get angry

This simple exercise was so illuminating. Thanks for letting me share. I hope you have a good weekend.