Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I'm feeling really worthless right now. I've been through abusive relationships before and I can give advice to others, but I don't have the strength to deal with everything right now. I have juvenile diabetes, (poorly controlled), constant asthma flare-ups, (or bronchitis), sinus infections, fibromyalgia, have been battling ongoing fungal infections, swollen tonsils and lymph nodes, pre-cancerous cervical cell (Already has two procedures to remove these. Next step is a partial hysterectomy) I have been to every specialist and no one knows what to do. I have a transgender son who has been ill and out of school for the past two months. The doctors can't figure out what to do or the don't call back. I'm on disability due to my health problems. I am currently battling bronchitis, fungal infection, swollen tonsils and lymph nodes. Being ill wrecks havoc with blood sugar levels. Over the past 6 months my boyfriend has pulled away. He tells me there is nothing I can do, but claims there is nothing wrong. If I tell him I need more support and affection he defends it. We have only been intimate 2 times in 6 months. I want to feel loved so badly. We were supposed to work on the yard yesterday and have dinner together. I woke him and 4 in the afternoon and asked if we were going to work on the yard. He yelled at me and said he didn't want to be here and wanted his own place. I said if he moved out I was going to move on. He said that was my choice. I sad I wanted to work on it. He said he didn't know what he wanted anymore and wouldn't give me a definitive answer. I told him if he wasn't in love with me then he needs to tell me. So he did. Later he said I forced him to say that. He said he needed his own place to work on his own "stuff" I thought we were a couple. I can't make it financially without him paying his share of the bills plus I really don't want to give up. I basically begged him to stay. I have to beg for compliments, appreciation, even sex. I feel so pathetic and don't know what to do anymore. I quit drinking a long time ago and quit smoking 6 months ago after 26 years of smoking, except for the vape pen. The emotional pain is so great that I have resorted to cutting. I have been to counseling but that can't fix my financial issues We've been to about 4 total couples counseling sessions with 3 different counselors, every time they suggest him doing something for the relationship then he feels they are trying to control him. I'm at a loss and have no support from family and only have one friend that is unbiased and she is busy with her own life. I'm sorry about the long post.
This sounds like a very tough situation. It seems like you're taking some of the right first steps, however, by reaching out and seeking help though. I hope that you keep talking and that the answers you need start to reveal themselves. You and your posts are welcome.
Yah, that's a lot. I hear you and I agree with Holborn, keep sharing, keep reaching out. Hopefully guidance will come from somewhere (most likely that last place you'd expect).
I know when health problems are severe enough it's just hard to get up out of bed sometimes but even when you're lying in bed thinking about getting up, have you ever thought you could fill that space that feels so empty in you? Do you feel or know that you can love yourself? While you're lying in bed or thinking whatever, have you ever said to yourself "I love myself." and then say it again. ...and again....I suggest this as something to consider trying because I think....that hole so many of us feel, that emptiness...I don't think many of us ever learned or realize, that's the hole we fill ourselves with our self love, our self-care, etc...I don't know, these are some thoughts I've been playing around with recently. I would be interested in your response. Peace.
So I am wondering if maybe some of these health issues are directly results of the stresses and emotional pains you are suffering in your relationship. Sometimes disease and health issues are more amplified and actually manifest because our emotional/mental well being is compromised so it gives the diseases a chance to feast off of the body, plus I always find when I am an emotional wreck my health degrades from me not making my health a priority as I am distracted with my emotional/mental anguishes. A little self sabotage I usually add to the mix of my emotional/mental pains of bad situations.
I just think the two might be going hand in hand a little? Just a thought.
Another thing to think about is, sometimes the minute you decide on a path with regards to a challenging situation, that is when the situation reveals a pathway for the next steps and resolution.
Maybe it would be better for you both to live a apart for awhile and give each other breathing room to deal with your own situations. I know you said that you would rather not have it be that way and you want to work it out, but sometimes a little air on the situation allows everyone objectivity. Also the ability to come back together as your best selves, it sounds a little like both of you are not operating healthy and are potentially drowning in your own issues (you health wise and him emotionally).
As well, who knows, maybe this isn't really the guy for you and you just need to step away from this to get healthy and move on to greener pastures, and by making that decision all of a sudden more money will come your way and you will be able to get a comfortable living situation.
Of course I could never tell you what the situation calls for, nor do I have a say in the matter, but sometimes someone saying these things to you will allow you to gain some objectivity and not feel fearful about thinking this way. I know a lot hinges on your financial situation so I do take that into account. I have had to leave situations and move cross country with $200 in my pocket and what I owned in my Toyota 4 Runner.......so it can be done to leave or change a situation if you really want it. (not saying you are or should be leaving anyone, just trying to empower you to know it can be done with not much money laying around!)
I just find the minute I finally decide on something that is when everything seems to fall into place for it to happen, it is a miracle moment. I certainly hope you find some peace in your situation, especially in the health arena, that is a lot of issues to simultaneously juggle.....your health is your wealth so I would look at possibly alternative solutions if the doctors aren't getting to the root cause; things like dietary changes, homeopathic remedies, supplements, ayuervedic medicine, etc. have changed my life! I went to doctor after doctor for some issues I had, and then went and changed in these areas and the problems all but disappeared, it felt like angels descended on me-to be comfortable in your body is a gift that keeps on giving :)
I also hope for your son who is transitioning in a remarkable and huge way, you will be able to accomplishing finding peace in your situation, especially for him as it is traumatic for him to have this major change going on for him right now and he will probably be looking to you to support him emotionally through this! That is a gigantic revelation and I am sure it is really stressful for both of you.
I am really happy to hear your accomplishments with quitting smoking, I am a huge advocate for this, so bravo!! it is the hardest yet best thing you will ever do for yourself!! It will change your life!!
Keep coming back and sharing, take care of your health! And Take care of you, you are worth it!! XxOO
I was reading your post and was like, "Wow... this gal has a LOT on her plate."
I was a little hesitant to "go there," but since Coda did, I'll also suggest that there's a mind/body/spiritual connection sometimes. Mainly, the infections and fibro... even doctors don't fully understand the fibro, but they think it's how the body receives pain in the brain.
I would HIGHLY suggest yoga, meditation, visualization, etc... Picture yourself healthy. Do LOTS of downward dog- drains the lymph nodes. See a nutritionist/holistic healer. NEVER discount what diet can do. I eat lots of raw ginger and garlic and I haven't had to take any medication since I was 25. (I am 41.)
I'd let the BF go... he sounds like he's a symptom of your psyche.
Your transgender child... that also sounds like a lot to handle. How old is "Felix?" I find that situation very interesting. I'm not judging at all, but it sounds like that is part of the cloud of drama in your life... Could the two of you be feeding of each other in some way? Again, not judging, but throwing that out there.
The biggest thing I can reiterate is to first get your inner core set right- then your mind/heart... I truly think your health situations will follow and you will see much improvement.