Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I feel so hopeless. I don't feel like I can get anywhere in this relationship or life anymore. I'm so depressed I'm feeling suicidal. I asked my boyfriend last night about some money that went unaccounted for he accused me of interrogating him. I haven't been perfect in this relationship I keep going back to some hurtful things I have done. I found a note that my son had written that said " He saw me go from the one who was abused to the abusive from my last ex to the abusive on to my current by" I spoke with him about it and made sure I changed the way that I said things to my boyfriend and apologized to him for the way I had said things to him. Of course my son doesn't know what my current boyfriend has done to me until recently he is starting to see it. Regardless, I don't want to react that way even if I'm not being treated right because I don't want my son to see that from me. My boyfriend won't give me honest answers if I confront him he will say "Of course everything is my fault" or" Sigh and say here we go or do we have to talk about this again." I have serious health issues that I am dealing with and I'm not able to work because of them. I am having a sever asthma flare at the moment and was put on prednisone with causes my blood sugars to go to dangerously high levels. I need someone who can can help out and make sure I'm ok. You would think that the man who says he loves you could watch out for you. Last night I woke up and told him I couldn't breathe I grabbed my nebulizer machine and took a breathing treatment and he was in the kitchen. He didn't ask if I need to go to the hospital or stay around to make sure I was ok. He walked into the bedroom and went to bed. He has been with me to the Doctor and they have told him that my lungs could swell and I could stop breathing or my blood sugar could drop and I could die. I live in a constant state of fear that he won't be there when I need him because he has proven that and I have had some very close calls. I wish I had a family that would help out, but I'm pretty much on my own. I have to take the lead with everything. He says maybe I should leave then I won't cause you stress. I said I just need to be able to count on what you say. I have even asked him not to give his word at all that would be better than being let down. He still continues to do this. He also says you do have a lot of health things to deal with which I told him upfront. I just feel like I'm destined to be alone because how could I expect anyone to deal with everything I have wrong with me. I know I can't do it alone. My son has also been ill and home from school for the last 2 months. My financial situation isn't good and I can't make it without his half of the bills. We also haven't been intimate for 7 months and he tells me not to take it personal. I offered to go to the doctor with him, but he just came back with samples of E.D. medication. I don't know what to do anymore and i just want to give up. I have taken to self harm again because it's the only that numbs the pain for awhile. I'm trying really hard not to do this.
You sound like you are in a very dark place at this time. I just want to tell you it will get better.
You will be in my thoughts and I pray that you will find strength to overcome this.
Try not to overwhelm yourself with too many of the issues. I found when I started breaking down my problems in my life they became more manageable and I started to feel less depressed, stressed and anxious.
I started setting very small goals and rewarding myself for achieving them.
I would suggest you biggest concern now is self harm. You say you are trying not to do this which is fantastic. Reward yourself when you do not do it. Praise yourself when you do day to day task and you do not feel the need to do it. Give yourself an activity you can do instead of self harm such as watching a motivational video on youtube. There are also breathing techniques such as belly breathing which can help you calm yourself down.
The main thing is people are thinking about you and sending you love and strength to get through this so keep writing.
I made a lot of suggestions... Have you tried any of them???
Sounds like you keeping this man in your life out of fear that you can't make it on your own. And he KNOWS this and is using that as an excuse to treat you like crap.
Pull off that BandAid. It'll hurt, but you'll find a way. It's amazing what people can do when they HAVE to. Kick him out. Get a boarder. Do whatever you have to do get some peace in your life.
You'll be astonished at how much better you will feel once you're not dealing with an abuser.
You child is home from school for two months? Do you have a medical excuse? I wouldn't want you to start to have to deal with truancy issues, too...
it sounds like a very tough situation.
Have you thought about what you want? Do you have an image of what you're ideal situation is?
If you do, then it may help you to write it down. Then, write down the obstacles, the ones you can control and the ones toy can't. From there, write down some things you can do to overcome the obstacles that you can control.
I find that this helps me to break out of the constant rethinking sometimes. In some cases, even making one small change to improve one small part is helpful and creates positive momentum.
Keep writing and keep trying. You have support here.
I would HIGHLY suggest yoga, meditation, visualization, etc... Picture yourself healthy. Do LOTS of downward dog- drains the lymph nodes. See a nutritionist/holistic healer. NEVER discount what diet can do. I eat lots of raw ginger and garlic and I haven't had to take any medication since I was 25. (I am 41.)
Hope this helps.
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You have too many issues going on here and you need professional help NOW...You have a son who needs you emotionally healthier. How old is he? From his comments he sounds old enough to be very in-tune to what's going on. He might be fearful for your life if you are having a hard time breathing, etc. or if he is aware of you cutting or whatever your self harm actions entail right now.
You feel helpless and cornered, and I have been there. But to keep going on that hamster wheel only leads to more pain and it gets you nowhere.
So look into getting on temporary State aid health insurance if need be to get coverage for medical and some therapy. I had to get my family on Mass Health for a year or so and it saved our lives on many ways.
ACTION....take action...I love all of this great advice, but you need to be also checking in with a professional a few times a week. as the saying goes....JUST DO IT...if not for you, for your son.
I am so sorry to hear how tough things are for you right now. It sounds like you're under so much stress with your situation. There are the difficulties with your own health, your relationship, the worry of your son's health problems plus the financial problems and your partner's own health and financial problems. It's a lot to deal with all at once.
I've been in a place before where I've had a lot of problems to deal with at once and it has felt overwhelming. What seems like it might be helpful here is to choose to address one problem and this will give you a bit more time and energy to address the other issues. How much do you feel like your relationship is contributing to your problems and stress? It sounds to me like your boyfriend may not be pulling his weight and you deserve better than this. It sounds like the trust and affection are rapidly disappearing from your relationship, unfortunately.
In terms of health problems meaning you're destined to be alone... please don't think or feel this way. I have a good friend who has fibromyalgia who has a great relationship with a lovely girl who is very attentive to his needs and very understanding, having had a father who is paraplegic.
Also, maybe you don't have family nearby but I am sure that you can find people near you who are willing to help like friends and neighbours. Also, do you have any support groups nearby? The friend I mentioned attended a monthly support group and he found that this gave him a great deal of information which enabled him to get practical help and support and enjoy his life more.
Love,
Alana