Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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I didn't know this was a thing

sarahsomething
sarahsomething

2 days ago I found out about this, I realize Co-dependent is ME!!!


This morning this is our conversation:


him: I heard a lot in your sleep


Me: like what?


h: doesn't matter


me: I'd like to know


him: Why afraid you said something you shouldn't or that you didn't want me to know


Me: No. I just want to know... Why I wanted to know about my dream or sleep talking because I haven't slept in awhile


him:You don't think I have a heart


Me: I tell you that all the time that you have a heart of stone


him:like I said don't matter


Me: because that was nothing, are you sure you aren't being dramatic (I was joking at this part) every time I express something I'm dramatic and it gets brushed off


Him : i'm sure


Me: Why won't you tell me


Me: I repeatly express my needs and desires, and nothing changes. I don't know what else to say about I said in my sleep that I haven't already told you.


him: How does it not change, I'm trying to tell you more and open up more


me: Just like me, your attuide and actions comes off disrepectful...(I'm always apologizing about the things I say even if it's how I feel and think.)


Him: That u was falling in love with someone else (threw in the dream)I dont gt why your attacking me again this morning


Me:

urbangardener
urbangardener
Sarahsomething, not sure what to make of this conversation. It sounds like going round in circles with neither person getting their emotional needs met. Something sounds off, he mentions you talk in your sleep and won't tell you until you beg. He mentions it but then says it don't matter. You pointed fingers at him, maybe it was a joke but still. Then he points fingers at you. Is this codependency? I can't tell but I would recommend reading some good books on codependency.
Yard_Eggs
Yard_Eggs
I too am confused by this conversation - it sounds very passive-aggressive on both parts. Tit-for-tat.

Is this your normal mode of communication? If so, it isn't very productive and doesn't enhance your relationship.
Trissa01
Trissa01
Learn good communication skills & practice them
Trissa01
Trissa01
Your last sentence - closed up the conversation on a negative tone.
"I get a sense of an attitude that feels like you are dismissing me and I interpret your actions (what actions, be specific) as disrespectful."
You feeling disrespected is on you.
What body language does he display that feels like arrogance?
What specific actions make you feel disrespected?
It sounds to me like you are antagonizing each other.
Explore what it is about you that makes you defensive.
can you work on the way you respond to him?
The only person you can change, is you.
If you change, other people around you change the way they interact with you.
Crowmosome
Crowmosome
Another alternative could be that this is a case of gaslighting. You have been told by him that you talk in your sleep. Has anyone else ever confirmed this? Then, when you insist that he tells you what you said, his response is that you said in your sleep you were falling in love with someone else. This sounds very off and I wouldn't just take his word for it that you were even talking in your sleep, or that's what you said if you do indeed talk in your sleep. My suggestion is to have family confirm you have a history of talking in your sleep or record yourself at night (have a hidden camera planted to record you when you are sleeping just for that particular experiment) then watch the tapes in private and see if he comes up with something contrary to what has been recorded. If you arrive at the conclusion that he is gaslighting you then please protect yourself, and rethink being vulnerable, or even in a relationship with this person. People that gaslight you do not have your best interest at heart at all. Their goal is to make you feel ashamed and dependent on them. People that gaslight subtly and insidiously convince you to doubt yourself, your sanity, and your ability to reason.