Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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NIdahoGal 01/20/2013

What comes next. I'm scared and at the same time happy for myself!! He said I would never do it, but I did! I asked him not to buy anymore beer at the store, told him that I felt like not stopping him was like giving heroin to a heroin addict. In less then 20 minutes he went from "i'll be good" to "i'll kill you b****" and shoving me around. I reached for a phone and called 911. They came and first wanted me to leave MY house and go to a hotel so he could sleep it off....welcome to rural N. Idaho...I told them it was MY house and I was on disability ad he makes $20/hr so he can leave. As they brought him up for clothes he asked the deputies if he could still shoot off rifles tonight as he had planned. Can you believe it??? They assured him he was not shooting anything off and took him away. OMG. But he will be back tomorrow. Scared, but also happy with my choices. Finally, he knows Im serious. His family said not to have him contact them in Boise, they're done with him!!! I let his attorney know that he is back in trouble, and did not complete the community service hours from the DUI and blew those off and back in trouble again. Called his boss and let him know that he may or maynot be there on Monday. Called my friends hosting the football party and said "don't even ask, he won't be there." In the end, I did it!!! I took care of ME!!!! but scared as heck.

HeatherCliff 01/20/2013

It is quite an accomplishment for Codependents like you and me to take good care of ourselves!!! You did GREAT, NldahoGal!!!!!

duvessa 01/20/2013

Good for you for looking after yourself!

Now, are you safe today? Is there someone you can call to come hang out for a bit if you feel you need that? I don't know your back story, just want to suggest that you make sure you carry on your great work of last night, looking after yourself, today.

deleted_user 01/20/2013

EXCELLENT and I am so proud of you. No one deserves abuse and him shoving you and threatening to kill you is all abuse.

If he bothers you, call 911 again. He'll soon learn that you won't take his shit anymore.

NIdahoGal 01/20/2013

All was going well, but the local rural cops just took him to a hotel to sleep it off. I ended up getting middle of the night phone calls. The sheriff deputies said that he can come back and I have to start eviction process, which might or not make him leave, and in most cases just makes him more mad.

I had to pick his sorry butt up this morning 20 miles away when they kicked him out of the hotel. Same story.....I don't remember anything....I'll be good.....

I know my resources now and he knows I'm done playing games.

sassybabe11 01/20/2013

good for you and do understand the feat of what will happen next. be safe please. dont back down he will try to turn it around like its your fault

nxtofkin 01/21/2013

Wow! Your post is so inspiring, and I'm so happy you let your inner strength kick fear's butt and you did the right thing like a super hero! I love the way you didnt let anyone walk on you and you asked for what you wanted and refused what you didn't want. So awesome! We are all with you so keep it up, and God bless you.

deleted_user 01/21/2013

You didn't have to take his calls, and I don't know why you had to pick him up this morning. He created the problem, so he should have somehow gotten the ride back himself. Watch the police because sometimes they tell you things just to get you off their back.

Call a women's center and talk to them about everything and find out what your rights are.

deleted_user 01/23/2013

Yeah I agree, why pick him up? Why answer the phone? To show you are truly done with him, you have to be truly done with him. He will continue to walk all over you until you stop him. The way to stop him is to stop having contact with him. Kick him and his stuff out and change the locks.

angeldove66 01/23/2013

I agree with as time goes by, if you call a women's shelter they will tell you your rights and help you make a plan to stay safe.
You can also press charges against him and get a restraining order to keep him from coming back.
They will only let him back to get his stuff and the police have to be with him at that time.
Hope you are well and stay safe.

deleted_user 01/24/2013

Here are domestic violence resources from the Dr. Phil site:

http://resource.drphil.com/resource/domestic-violence-resources/

Eileen-C-Hudson 02/02/2013

The best thing was not to pickhim up..and you shouldnt have to call his boss...it isnt your responsibility...This is not an easy situation to be in....I know, ive been there too.

deleted_user 02/03/2013

I so agree with Eileen. Remember that when you call his boss, pick him up from jail and do other things for him, you are falling right back into enabling him and being codependent.

Stop. Let him suffer his own consequences for his actions. You don't let him suffer all the consequences.

You did so right in dialing 911. But did you follow through and press charges and get a restraining/protective order?

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